Love.

This past Thursday was my 10th wedding anniversary!!! Not to toot our horn, but in today's world, that is a big deal! I heard on the radio last week, that the average American marriage ends prior to 7 years. That is unbelievable to me. Marriage is hard, no doubt, but it is so rewarding and I can't imagine not working hard to make it work.

I thought I would share a quick version of our love story.

Hubby and I met at his parents church, when we were both in High School. (Yes, he is a PK and fit the rebellious stereotypes. :) My Dad was driving by the church one day and said he felt like there was a reason we needed to go there. Years later, we realized that reason was my sweet Hubby. When we first started attending, Hubby had a long-time girlfriend. I was not your normal teenage girl, and had no desire for a boyfriend. I had been on several dates, but nothing ever clicked. My thought was, if you don't see the possibility of marriage--don't waste your time dating. The church was very small and made it impossible to avoid Hubby since the youth group was made up of about 5 of us. The first couple of years we just ignored each other. He thought I was stuck-up (I was) and I thought he was sloppy. (He dressed in that whole grunge/skater style) His Mother loved me and was constantly hinting that he should take me out. At some point, his relationship ended and his Mom really stepped up her match making game. A friend in youth was having a birthday and she said he should take me to the party at a local restaurant. We both agreed awkwardly, but ended up completely enjoying each other's company. Things moved quickly between us and after what seemed like only a month, people were talking marriage. A little scary to the girl who had never had a boyfriend, and A LOT scary to the boy who is now in college and still figuring out his life path.
Here is where I am going to save you a lot of time...
He broke up with me a total of three times. 3. Each time was a ridiculous excuse bundled with, "I love you so much, but this just isn't a good time." Months later, I would get a call declaring his love and how much he missed me, we would date a little while and then people would start talking marriage again and he would split. Whatever. I was determined not to be like all of my babbling, sappy girlfriends (love ya girls!) who let a little break up get them down. When we were together, we were together, when we weren't, I pretended he didn't exist. :) Of course this drove him crazy and eventually he couldn't stand it anymore.
A girl in our youth group got married and we both went to the wedding. I had a small part in the wedding, and I wore a gorgeous dress. I looked H.O.T. I'm not gonna lie. It was so like a Julia Roberts movie, where the couple loves each other, but it just hadn't worked before and then the girl shows up looking amazing and the guy realizes how dumb he is for wasting time without her. That is exactly what happened, because after that day at the wedding, we have been together ever since! Three months later, we were engaged. September 30, 2000, we were married. We had a magical honeymoon in St. Thomas, it was perfect.

Me+Hammock+Nap+St. Thomas= Perfection
(This should be my every day.)




10 years, 3 boys and half way through Medical school, we are as happy as ever.
We got married at 21, and I remember everyone telling us that getting married at young was a mistake. I am so happy to have proved them wrong. I can't imagine my life without my love and I don't regret a moment. We have been through so much in 10 years, it really feels like we have been married even longer than that. Sickness, difficult pregnancies, death, heartache, layoffs, surgeries...but then there's the sweet babies, laughter, romantic gestures, loves notes, surprises, vacations, a billion family memories, the hugs, the kisses, and the dreams of our future together. It's been ten years, and I know without a doubt he loves me unconditionally and no matter what we face he will be right by my side. I love him.

I am sure you are thinking, what about the anniversary gifts? Well, I will tell you that my hubby is great when it comes to gifts, so I have to really think about his gift in advance because he always out does my gifts. I bought him a new wedding band. His had become to large and pretty banged up. He loved his new band and has been showing it off to everyone. It made my heart glad to see him so happy. He loves to surprise me, and he did just that again this year. First he handed me a beautiful card and then told me my present was in my purse. (How'd he do that?) I found another card from The Elm's (a local Hotel and Spa) with a gift certificate for a Spa day package!!!!! Mani, pedi, facial, aromatherapy bath and a massage!!! Yes, please!!! He said after my wreck I totally needed it, and he couldn't be more right. I just have to wait for my ribs to heal so that I can enjoy my special relaxing day thanks to my sweet Hubby. This weekend, he arranged for my parents to watch the kids so we could celebrate with dinner and a date. He surprised me again with a new pair of shoes! Did I say how much I love him?

Hubby and I don't have much time together, but I really treasure the time we do have. Ten years ago, I wouldn't have ever imagined that we could survive the things we did, but we have, and are even more in love than when we said "I do."

Life

Sorry I have been lagging on the blog front, but this last couple of weeks have been exceptionally full. This past week, someone very special to my family passed away. Roy was a great friend to Hubby and I as well as my parents and like another grandpa to my kids. To get a full history of my dear friend Roy, you can visit my friend Amanda (his daughter) over at http://loveutothemoonandback.blogspot.com/








Roy battled colon cancer for the last couple of years and when I say battled, I mean it. He fought for his life, like I have never seen before. He was strong, courageous and never complained. In fact, to the amazement of all he worked full-time up until this past month. In the last weeks, my Mom and I were able to spend time with our friends and the memories that were made in that time are tucked in my heart forever. Tomorrow will be a week since he passed, and it still doesn't seem real. Thursday night was his funeral service and in a word, it was beautiful. The personal tributes, pictures and video completely described his love for his family and most of all his heart for God.

Amanda is my dear friend, like so close we are almost twins. I know what food she is going to order, how her brain works, and best of all, I know that no matter what kind of day either of us is having, one of us can make the other belly laugh when we need it most. I am sad, that now she has to know this pain that I have had for 6 years. The pain of losing some of yourself. I am sure that losing a child vs. a parent has some different aspects, but overall, the pain is so deep that you literally can't think past the next minute. We share everything, but this is one thing I did not ever want to share with her. Grief.
There is something I didn't know about Amanda until this week, and that is how strong she truly is. I am so proud of my friend for paying such a great tribute to her Dad. I am just so sorry she had to do it at all. One thing I do know for sure, God is faithful. His comfort and peace is everlasting. Six years since Judah's death, I still hurt and I still have dark days, but God has provided for my every need. Friends, family, my husband and children have all helped to fill the void and open my eyes again to the beauty around. Hopefully, I can help show her the beauty in this new season in her life and give her a few belly laughs too.

I shared the news with Izzy, and he took it very hard. We were in the car, just the two of us, and I had to pull the car over because he was wailing and weeping so hard. I didn't even get the words out, but he knew. He told me that he was so hurt because he had lost his friend at school too that day. After a few minutes of piecing the story together, I finally found out that his class had found a cocoon at recess one day and proceeded to watch it develop into a beautiful butterfly. That day was "Free Day" and they released the butterfly. "Now I have lost my Roy, and my butterfly and it just isn't fair! Why did they both have to fly into the sky? I just want my Roy, my Judah and my butterfly back because this hurts me so bad!" Hearing those words from my sweet Izzy just ripped my heart and my words were not enough to comfort him.

Roy was a great influence on our lives and family and he will be greatly missed. This process has been another reminder to take each day and make it full of love. Not take myself so seriously and enjoy right where I am. Smother my kids in kisses and make lots of memories.

Roy had a very full life and he lived it full of love. I want to do the same.

Saab Story

When I went to buy the Pilot, we complained to the salesman that Hubby's Saab was in the shop. Horrible timing, for sure. He said, "Everyone who has a Saab, has one thing in common....a Saab story!" Corny? Yes, but true! This Saab, has been my Arch Nemesis since the beginning. Hubby was determined to get a new car and found it in Ohio. He had a grand plan of visiting relatives and checking out the car at the same time and if it worked out he would drive it home. I had a horrible feeling about this car and tried to persuade him otherwise. Hubby is stubborn and ignored my pleas.
I was pregnant with Izzy during the whole car finding process, and unexpectedly went into labor at 32 weeks. Oh and the same weekend he had a plane ticket to Ohio. FABulous! Baby in NICU, Mommy healing and Hubby on a plane to check out a dumb car. He bought that thing and drove like a race car driver home to get back to Izzy and I. I have hated it ever since.
It is a nice looking car, but the dumbest things go wrong. One time we were on a date, it was hot and I rolled down the window and it went off track and fell straight down into the door. Minus $500, we had the window back on track. Now imagine something like that, about every other month. Completely frustrating. Now the car is feeling "unstable" again and will probably end back in the shop if we don't trade it in first. Secretly, I think Hubby is jealous of my hot new ride and wants one too. :)
He has his eye on something much more economical and RELIABLE. Hoping it works out, so I can stop stressing about cars for a second and this Saab story finally comes to an end.

The lesson here? I am ALWAYS right. Period. I have amazing instincts, and he should listen to me, even when it is a topic he thinks I know nothing about. Instincts win every time. Our 10th wedding anniversary is in a week, and I think he is just now realizing this fact. TEEEEEEEEEEEEEN Years! I am also amazingly patient. ;)

Hubby, I love you and I forgive you. (I love flowers, jewelry and purses.)

Potty Dance!!!

Someone here is doing the Potty Dance!!!

My little Asher surprised us today, out of the blue, he ran and got his potty chair and showed Grandma that he wanted to go. Not once, but now 5 times in a row!!!! He turned 2 in June, and I haven't given potty training much thought. I learned quickly with Izzy that trying to train a boy before they have made up their mind is completely pointless. A couple of times, Asher seemed interested, so I tried sitting him on the potty, but his interest immediately turned into a screaming fit because he was SCARED of the toilet. So today, was such a shock to not only see him bring the chair, but go multiple times! YAY for big boys! I was so proud, I rewarded him with a marshmallow after each time. Grandma gave him a $1.50. Then on number 4, my pride was overflowing so I took him to McDonalds to reward his sweet little body with a Happy Meal. We sat together in a booth and he just beamed with excitement. I told him over and over how proud Mama is of her big boy and he just said, "YESSSSH!"

Tonight after dinner, I am going to take him to pick out his first pair of big boy underwear. Can't believe this day has come and my baby is quickly transforming before my eyes.

Super cute potty and new underwear pics to come. :)

Pilot!!!

A day later than expected, but we finally replaced my poor totaled MDX.

Here is the picture of our new car...the Honda Pilot:

Very similar to my MDX, but a little larger as it seats 8! My heart was set on getting another MDX, but apparently everyone had the same idea and they were sold out. We've had the Pilot for a couple of days now, and I really like it. Now I just need to come up with a good name for her...any ideas?

Chaos!

If you know me at all, I don't handle chaos well. At all. My mind is spinning, and I don't think I can blame it all on the pain killers. Just over a week ago, I was in a horrible car accident with my little lovey. My body is still healing. Which reminds me, I never told you they finally figured out I have a broken rib. OUCCCCCCH! I hurt everywhere from my hip bones up. Shoulders and rib being the worst. Asher is healing well, still bruised, but doing well. Over the next few weeks, I am not allowed to clean, cook, lift, or over exert myself in anyway. Now...all you tired Mommies are yelling "Jealous!" right now, but believe me...don't be. When you finally get the okay to NOT clean, cook, change diapers, and yet get the okay to "nap as needed" it isn't as great as you think. Maybe it is all the pain that is detouring my dream...yep that's it.

I drove for the first time out of my neighborhood this weekend and it was so scary. Scary like you are taking your first drivers test and there is a fat, stinky, DMV guy sitting next to you just waiting to check off some boxes on his sheet. I drove so cautiously (word?) it took twice as long to arrive at my destination as usual. The driving also made my shoulder and ribs very sore...so I am going to stick close to home for a couple of weeks for sure.

Back to the chaos...Insurance. Medical bills. Rentals. Loaner cars. New car shopping. New car purchasing. Settlement checks. Banks. Hubby's dumb car. School meetings. PAIN. 1,000,000 papers to keep track of. Too many phone calls with Insurance people. Court dates. Blah.
I'm sure there is more, but I'm too overwhelmed to think. It is really difficult to heal, when you have to deal with all of that stuff. I don't get stressed often, when you have been through what I have, you learn it all works out in the end. This time, however, I feel the stress creeping its way into my head and working itself into my neck...and it hurts.

Big week ahead. We should have the settlement check in and a new car by mid-week. That will be a huge weight lifted when that process is all complete.

In other, nicer news....

I woke up to a bouquet of BEAutiful flowers yesterday from my sweet hubby. That always makes everything so much better.

Izzy and I are in full school mode and we have our morning schedule down to a science. It is lovely, he even has an extra 25 minutes to play computer games or watch a show before school. He has grown up so much this summer. Now, I can set out his clothes and he gets himself fully dressed, and washed up (minus hair) and is sitting at the kitchen table ready to eat many times before I have even made it down to fix his food. Once his food is ready, I make sure his backpack is complete and then set the timer. When he hears the beep, he knows it is time to brush his teeth and potty before we leave. I was so worried school mornings would be just a rush, and constant nagging, but it has turned out to be just the opposite thanks to my little guy. Such a great helper.

Nicest of all...

I have WONDERFUL, THOUGHTFUL, and LOVING Friends and family!

Can't say thank you enough to all of the offers of help, and dinners, and babysitting, visits, calls, cards, and emails.

xoxo

Boom Boom Pow!

That pretty much describes last Wednesday for me. It started off like any normal school day, Izzy was happy and ready for school. I quickly realized after dropping him off, I forgot his lunch bag in the fridge. I had my day planned out, so this minor memory lapse was annoying because I had planned to drive to Olathe (about 30 minutes) to visit my friends Dad who is fighting cancer. My mom was already there visiting and I was excited to see him and wish him an early Happy Birthday. I get my diaper bag ready for a full day and get Asher buckled into the car, open the garage door and just my luck...it starts raining. Who cares right? But, I now have to run a lunch bag into the school office with a 2 year old on my hip in the rain. Parking, unloading, rain, office, more rain, loading...you get the point. Not exactly how I wanted to start my day, but I suck it up and get it done. I go my normal route leaving the school, I take a side road outside of my neighborhood. At the end of this road is a sensored red light-meaning the light will not change until I pull directly onto the line. While sitting at the light, I text my friend a quick "on my way", put my phone down and continue to wait on the light. Finally it turns green, I am the only car at the intersection so I pull out to make my left....that is when everything changed.

Not quite in the middle of the intersection, I turn my head and see a Dodge Ram truck in the fast lane, flying right towards me. I scream. He screams... and the next thing I know I am now facing the opposite direction with glass everywhere and as I open my eyes, I am looking right into the face of the other driver. He is horrified. I realize I am still screaming and then the hysterical sobbing hits. He jumps out of his truck and runs over to check on me. I try to open my door but realize that isn't going to happen. He hit me smack in the middle, crushing my door as well as Ashers.....OH MY WORD...Asher!!!!!! Not a single noise. Not a movement. Nothing. I am beyond scared, I am shaking, hysterical. I have lost one son, and I could not make myself turn around to check on him. I just remember saying, "Jesus, please." The driver was still trying to help me get out when he stuck his head in my now non-existent windows. He sees Asher for the first time, and if it is possible to turn a worse shade of green...he did. I finally just say, "Is he ok?" His response was a simple and polite, "I'm not sure Ma'am." I remember taking a deep breath, unbuckling my seat belt and turning all the way around in my seat to check on my baby. He was sitting perfectly still, car seat fully intact and without damage. Glass was poured all over him. His eyes were huge, mouth gaping and that is how he sat for the next few moments. I asked if he was ok and he gave a tiny nod. That is when the adrenaline, the shock and the hysterics really kicked up a notch because I felt completely out of control of my body. I thought my heart was going to burst through my body, and I didn't know what to do. I don't think you should take your baby out of their seat before help arrives, but I know he is just as scared as me. I ask the driver to call 911 and he nods yes. I call my brother-in-law who happens to also be my State Farm agent. Is that weird I called him first? Well, I wanted to call my Hubby, but he was in lecture, and I knew I couldn't get him. Jason answers and I am not sure how he was able to understand my words because I was so beyond emotional, but he gave me calm instructions and promised he would get a text message to my Hubby.

Now in all honesty, here are my next few thoughts:
*How could this happen? I am so careful especially when driving my babies.
*What if something is wrong with Asher?
*My CARRRRRRRRRRRR! I love my car, and it is PAID OFF! I have a husband in Medical School...how am I gonna? What are we gonna? OH MY WORD!!!!!!! We can't afford this!

Police arrive and almost immediately after, about 12 EMT's arrive as well. The Police Officer checks on me and assures me they are going to take good care of me and the baby. Next thing I know, my SUV is surrounded by EMT's trying to figure out how they are going to get me out of the car. One woman wanted me to crawl out the broken window..um NO. Thankfully, another EMT said, "Uh, really? Why would you make her do that? She is obviously hurt." So two EMT's pull me out the passenger side and offer me a neck brace. Now the next 30 minutes are a blur of people talking and checking on me and Asher. I just kept waiting for the police officer to take my side and it seemed like he was taking forever. Asher is now screaming uncontrollably, the shock has worn off, and the swarming EMT's are too much. They try to give him a "boo-boo" bear to calm him, but he threw it across the car. I was given permission to take him out of his car seat and they would take a closer look at him. He had a contusion on his left temple area and a few minor cuts from the glass, but otherwise he was perfect. They said his car seat saved his life. (Even more so, the correct installation of the seat. I knew that class was going to come in handy some day!) The Dodge Rams grill was right at our shoulder/head area and his seat didn't move an inch. (Hello, Guardian Angel!) EMT's are asking what is wrong with me and the only thing I can feel right away is how flippin' bad my left shoulder hurt. I couldn't feel anything else..I was numb. They noticed a bruise/rash on my shoulder and neck from the seat belt and asked if I wanted to go to the hospital, but I was so panicked, I declined. I was alone, terrified and didn't know what to do next. I look up and our cars are surrounded by emergency vehicles and about 4 tow trucks just waiting for one of us to give the word. I felt like 20 people were all talking to me at the same time asking different kinds of questions. Some were asking about Ashers health, some were checking on mine, some wanted to know where I wanted my car towed and another was asking who was going to pick me up from the site. Oh yeah, I should probably figure that out. I run through the list of my people in my head and realize everyone is really far away. Hubby is only 7 minutes from me, but in lecture he doesn't check his phone. I decide to call my Dad, I think I got the words "Dad...I've been in a really bad wreck and I need" and he said, "I'm on my way." I tell him my location which is within a mile of our house and Izzy's school. He was 45 minutes away, but somehow he got there in about 20.

At this point, it is still raining, Asher and I are covered in glass. My shoulder is throbbing and I am sobbing uncontrollably. He screams every time someone looks at him. The police officer was still talking to the other driver so I walk around my car to see the damage and that is when it really hit me...just how lucky we were. Just two weeks ago, (I even blogged about it) the exact accident killed a close family friend of ours. Yet, here I am holding my baby and we are seemingly okay. Insert a new level of hysterical sobbing, but this sobbing is purely thankful to God for his protection. I can't even describe the hurt and anxiousness in my heart, those few seconds before I turned to see Asher and realize he was fine.

After making arrangements for my car to be towed, and realizing I have no one at the scene yet, the tow truck guy offered to take us home. The EMT's loaded up my diaper bag with my personal items from the car and I just have to say how lovely they all were. So kind and patient and I know I was a hot mess and they didn't mind. They waited and all helped to get me everything I needed and made sure I had all of the paperwork and everything set before leaving. When my car was being loaded on the truck, the Police Officer came to speak to me about the accident. I was telling myself in my head to calm down, so I could speak to him rationally and not just sob. He opened my door and checked on Asher and I again, handed me a piece of paper and said, "Ma'am, I don't need anything from you. That young man told me exactly what happened and he is taking full responsibility for this. He said you did nothing wrong, and he is really sorry." I sat in shock, because I just didn't think people did that anymore. There are still honest, moral people in the world! He gave me some information I need for court. Told me the young man, is 19 years old, had just moved here for college and was late to his new job. He was speeding and ran the red light. He said he tried to stop, but because of the wet roads, his brakes just locked up and he hit me. Before I left the scene, I walked up to the driver and gave him a hug. He just looked so sad and devastated and I know he was scared too. Right as we were getting ready to leave, his mother came to the scene and checked on the baby and I. She was so kind and simply said, "I know exactly how you feel. I have a son, and your heart just explodes in pain until you know for sure they are ok."

The kind tow truck driver takes me to my house and just when he pulls up, so does my Dad. He jumps out of the car and takes one look at me and says, "We are going to the ER." We transfer everything to his car and just as we are leaving, my Mom pulls up. So she gets in the car and we finally make our way to the ER. SIX hours later, Asher is released with no injuries. I am released with 3 prescriptions and a request to follow up with my Doctor. Following X-rays, I find that I have no broken bones, but as adrenaline wears off, I find that I can't lie flat from pressure in my chest. Feels like a rib is pushing into my lung. I can't move my right arm at all and my left arm is about the same. My hips and lower abdomen are bruised as well as my shoulders, collar bone and neck. Thankfully, my air bags did not deploy, because I am pretty sure that would have broken my jaw that I had surgery just a couple of years ago. That would have ruined EVERYTHING!

It is almost a week later and I have spent pretty much every day since, in bed moving as little as possible. I feel like an elephant has decided to make my chest his home, and if I feel like moving my arm to say pick up my phone, I better be prepared to scream in pain. Yep...not fun. Needless to say, I haven't been able to pick up Asher, or make myself something to eat, or put on makeup or do my own hair. MISERABLE. If I do something, that one thing is so exhausting that I have to immediately lay down and nap because now I have the body of 100 year old woman.

Today I determined to try to get back to my regular routine as much as possible. I decided I wouldn't take my muscle relaxers or pain meds until bedtime and I would try to be self sufficient. I drove Izzy to school which was quite traumatic. It's only a couple of blocks away, but I am pretty sure it took us 20 minutes because I think I did 3 mph. Whatever. So I feel like a old lady and I drive like one too. What do you expect? :) I got breakfast, lunch and dinner (nothing gourmet, believe me) and I gave the boys a bath before bed. I was doing pretty well except the 100 times I had to lay down to rest in between, but when I was getting the boys dried off, my shoulder, back and right arm decided they had enough and revolted. I just completely locked up and started screaming. My poor kids...but I couldn't control it, it was so painful. My Dad ran in and rescued me, finished up with the boys and my Mom fixed me up so I could rest my arm. Within minutes the boys were in bed and I gave into my body and took all of my prescriptions. I was hoping this was originally just some sore muscles that after a few days would loosen up and I would return to normal, but it doesn't seem to be working out that way. Looks like a follow-up is definitely needed.

On a funny note, Izzy saw all of the attention I was getting from the pain in my arm and he came in after bath and said, "Ow Ow ow!!!! My arm is hurting so bad! I don't know, I think I ate my food and it went down the wrong way and instead of going into my stomach, it went in to my arm and it is so painful." lol

Also today, we found out they officially totaled my Acura MDX. I loved that car. That is the car we brought our babies home in. I am devastated. I never realized how attached I was to that car, until I no longer had the option to drive it. The body shop told me that they reached $8,000.00 in damage and they weren't even done reviewing the damage. Wonder how much it would have been if they did everything? That's that. Black Beauty is no more. Now, I am praying for complete healing in my body and for favor when trying to find the new perfect car for our family. I am definitely looking for another MDX. That car was perfect and after being hit broadside at 40+ mph and my baby and I were able to walk away...it deserves my loyalty.

Sorry if postings are light for the next few days. Just writing this post has exhausted me and now I must retire. Pretty soon, I am going to start waking up at 4 a.m. and eating supper at 2 in the afternoon... Just kidding. Hopefully!

*****Thanks to everyone who sent sweet messages, visited with yummy treats, prayed, prayed and prayed for my family! It means so much to know you have people who love you during a crazy time! Love you all!*************