Rally

This is a tough one to write, but I think it's needed.

Life isn't fair. It deals out heartbreak when you least expect it. I am here to testify to this fact, and now unfortunately my dear friends are too. Last week, in a very unexpected turn of events my friend who was 21 weeks pregnant began to have complications and they quickly turned life threatening. There was a moment, I was standing in front of the double doors of the waiting area, watching for anyone with news, and it hit me.  I could lose my friend. When she was wheeled into surgery, her chances were slim. Even though, I am  a person of strong faith, I know that none of us know the number of days we have on Earth. And yet, there I stood, weeping, waiting and begging God to save her. He did. She is now home, after several days in the hospital, numerous blood transfusions and coming back from the brink of death, she is here. I am devastated to say, her sweet boy, went home to the arms of Jesus. 

7 1/2 years ago, I walked this same road. My personal physical toll was literally no where close to what my friend has been through, but our hearts now share a bond that I hoped and prayed I would never share with any of my friends or family.  As a Mommy, you are never settled, unless you have your kids surrounding you.  When you lose a child, there is a disconnect. You lose a piece of your heart and nothing can replace it, except that child.  No matter how much time passes, you are constantly thinking of your baby.  

Years have passed, and I have had 2 perfect boys since then, but my heart still aches for my Judah. Nothing can be said. Nothing can be done. Nothing will fill that void.  I am heartbroken, to have to share these facts with my friends. How they are feeling right now, is exactly how they will feel 8 years from now.  The difference, is that with each day that passes, God strengthens your heart. Much like a bad injury, each day is like therapy for your heart. The more you talk, the better you feel. The more you step out and do the normals of life, the better you can breathe and the lighter your burden. The heartache and pain doesn't change, but your heart is stronger and eventually you can see the Joy in life again. You can smile, laugh and enjoy life. But, at first it just feels so wrong. You don't want to live without them. You don't want to have any fun, laughing makes you feel guilty.  Healing is hard. 


The Lord is amazing for many reasons, but this friendship is a great example of his goodness. I grew up with this family from Kindergarten on and we changed schools and lost touch. 3 years ago, we were reunited.  We have had lots of fun times, made lots of memories and enjoyed watching our kids grow up together.  Now this loss.  While I wish our bond wasn't deepened by these facts, I am so grateful that God aligned us so that I could walk alongside them during these difficult times.  I can say, "I know how you feel."

  At 26, I felt all alone. My friends all had perfect pregnancies, perfect babies, just perfect.  I didn't, and I felt so alone.  Everyone was uncomfortable around me. No one knew what to say. I didn't get invited to baby showers. People didn't share good news with me.  I lost my son, and after a week, everyone moved on with their lives, but my life stopped. People don't like to feel uncomfortable. People don't like to talk about things that are imperfect. But life is imperfect.  We need to love people through the imperfect times and not just when things are fun and easy.  So while my heart is shattered at the events of the last week and hurting for my friends, I thank God for our friendship and that I can be there for them the way no one knew how to be there for me.   

I also am so thankful that with time comes maturity. Many friends are still by my side from that time and we have grown together.  Many new friends have come in and blown me away with their level of servant-hood and friendship.  There are churches across our city, praying for my friends.  There is a huge group of people who have completely rallied on behalf of this family and it does my heart so much good to see that there are people who don't just say "I'm praying for you.", but walk it out. Friends of friends are making dinners, and offering time for errands and grocery shopping. It is amazing to watch and be a part of.  


In the last week, I've had a few people ask, "If you could give advice on how visitors, friends, volunteers can best handle this situation having gone through it, what would you say?"  It's simple. There is nothing you can say, that will help. There are no perfect words. So instead of trying to think of something to make them "feel better", stop worrying about the level of awkwardness.  Don't think of yourself, at all.  The golden rule, is always best, how would you want to be treated? Instead of saying the cliche' things that always come out wrong, Do. Do something, show your love. Sit with them in silence. Listen. Grab a box of tissues and weep with them. Make dinners. Run errands. Mow their lawn. Be thoughtful. Don't talk about yourself. Put them first. Don't visit to make yourself feel less guilty, visit to help. Grieving people don't want to have to comfort you, they don't want to have to entertain you. They want to grieve.  All in all, we need to be selfless.  There are so many hurting people in our circles, and it is amazingly simple to show love in a difficult time.  A small amount of time, spent doing something to help someone else will forever stay in their memories. I can think back to almost 8 years ago, and remember exactly who sat with me, unguarded, and didn't speak a word, but let me weep.  There are only a couple of those people and they have a special place in my heart. So how can you truly help someone who has lost someone? Be there for the right reasons. Pray when you say you will.  I promise, I would rather someone sit in silent support, than try to say something in awkwardness.  Not everything has an answer, and that is okay. 


Be a selfless friend today.  Rally for someone, whether you know them well or not.  You don't even know how a small act of kindness during a difficult time can impact a wounded heart. Thank you to all of my beautiful friends, for your selflessness, your kindness and for loving me enough to love strangers.  Friendship is a beautiful thing.

Hello Stranger!

Oops, I did it again.

I went on an unplanned blogging sabbatical. I didn't mean to, it's just that my life is insane busy right now, and I'm so sad, because I have JEWELS of kid comedy I should have been sharing. Forgive?

Before my eyes, my kids are growing leaps and bounds. Literally. Izzy is still growing like he is going to be Andre the Giant and Asher is 3 and yet, I can hardly tell their clothes apart anymore. Sads.

Izzy learned how to ride his bike without training wheels! I was also reminded that Grandparents and Parents want to teach completely differently.  I wanted the achievement to be incentive enough, so I reminded him of a few of his friends who can also ride without training wheels, and in the midst of my speech, my Dad yells out, "I will buy you a Happy Meal right now if you can make it half a block." Well, okay then. He got his Happy Meal.

My little Asher is a squirrel. In the last couple of months, I have noticed that important items have gone missing. I knew the culprit, but I didn't have a clue where he would take them. We were missing DS games, Gameboy charger, DS stylus, StarWars characters, and a Leapster. That is a lot of things to go missing in a short time and I was literally at a loss. I keep their rooms tidy and organized and I never came across any of this stuff. Do you know me? I am a mess when a puzzle is missing one piece. I feel like just chucking it into the trash instead of searching all over. I hate missing things. Today Asher and I did a little spring cleaning. I found all the missing things. ALL THE MISSING THINGS! I was literally crazy happy and so was Ash. But, here is what I found, DS games stuffed inside shoes and hidden behind furniture. Star Wars characters stuffed inside cars too small and hidden in random cabinets.  Gameboy chargers wrapped around GI Joe guys hidden in a bag and then stuffed behind more furniture and last but not least, the Leapster pushed all the way behind their closet organizer with baby wipes in front to hide it. What the what? Why is he doing this? He is so imaginative and can take a stick, a pencil and a post it note and make a game of it. He is fantastic that way, so I know him well enough to see how his brain was like "Clearly, I need that Gameboy charger cord to wrap up the bad guys, and then I better hide them away because they are in jail." Problem, he immediately moves on and has no recollection of what he did with anything. I am surprised he has had shoes for the last 2 months, because I found 8, eight, EIGHT pairs of shoes that had been lost, all because he had been playing with them as something other than shoes and hid them. Oh. My. My son is a squirrel.


Izzy is my sweetheart. He is a big ball of love and affection. He leaves me love notes when I am gone for 2 minutes. He paints me pictures and makes me gifts out of things in his room. Tonight, I got my hair done and he said, "Mom I can't tell about your hair, but you are beautiful."  He is going to make a super great husband some day.


In other news, I am the new PTA secretary for Izzy's school for next year! I haven't ever done anything like this, but I am so excited to be involved on a deeper level and hopefully make a difference in his school. 


I still have an AMAZING hubby. He surprised me with killer seats to our local soccer teams home opener, took me to a movie and arranged for the kids to sleep over at their Uncles. Last week, I almost died. I had a horrible, disgusting, stomach flu that robs you of all dignity and fluids. I became dehydrated in under 2 hours to the point of losing all hand /foot control and lost feeling in my extremities. My hubby had the day off, and took care of the kids, did all of the laundry, cleaned the house, cooked meals, went shopping for me, and helped me every single 3 minutes to make it to the toilet and not long after was carrying me back and forth because I couldn't do it on my own.  He is going to be the best Doctor! I haven't felt so loved in our whole marriage. When someone will carry you to the toilet, and not huff or puff a single time when you need them on a 2-3 minute basis while they are taking care of everything and a 3 year old and a 6 year old, that is LOVE! Looooooooove that man! 

Thankful to be alive and healthy, with funny kids who keep me on my toes and a Hubby who loves me at my worst. 

Book Report

Izzy's first book report is due Friday. I was SUPER excited when he brought home the information, because I was killer in this type of thing back in the day. 
His teacher provided a list of guidelines and a paper bag and we are to read the book, write a report and create the main character out of the paper bag. You know this is right down my alley. 

I started listing off books that I knew Izzy could read and would be fun to write about...except Izzy already picked out his book from the school library. I should've known better that Izzy would have already have his mind set on something and that something would be a SCIENTIFIC FACT BOOK ON DINOSAURS! Oh my. Do you know how sick and tired I am of reading fact books every night? Can I get a story about a boy running around in his underpants or something? #snore

He is adamant that we continue on with this Dino fact book, and so we will write a real snoozer of a book report and attempt to transform a paper bag into a dino. How can I do this? It is impossible, without a trip to our local craft store. Izzy and I spent some time browsing aisles and looking for anything that would work. I don't want to give it away, but we did buy felt, pipe cleaners and googly eyes. 

The hardest part of this project is going to be letting Izzy do it however he wants and not turning this into a clearly parent done craft. #selfcontrol 

The second hardest part of this project will be staying awake while Izzy reads this book. #wishiwasjoking

Pics to come....

Organize by steps.

I love to organize. It is my therapy. If you are my friend, live close by and ever need help, you know who to call. I don't look at it like a chore, it is like a real life game of Tetris. Fit the most things in a small space.  A lot of my friends look at a space and can't figure out how to start so I thought I would give a few tips that I use when organizing in my home.

Things you may need: 

A few large plastic storage bins

Trash bags

Pen and Paper

Label maker (every organize space deserves one)

Baskets/Containers

First things first, start with a clean palette. I always completely empty whatever I am working on,  as much as possible.  If you are working on an entire room, clearly removing all of the furniture isn't realistic, but remove all of the "stuff".  Once the "stuff" is laid out, you may feel overwhelmed, and wonder how it ever fit in its original space. Sometimes you have to make a mess, to get clean.

Next, is the sorting stage. As your belongings are laid out in a separate space, begin to sort through the items throwing anything away that is worn or broken. It is amazing how much you will find should actually be tossed that has been hiding away in your space, especially if you are cleaning your kids room! 

A large plastic storage bin is great for putting items that are no longer needed and can be given to friends or to a local shelter or thrift store. Mark a bin with  a simple "Give" note and as you fill the bins (I always have more than one) you can load them into your car to be taken immediately. You don't want to ever move these bins to another area, that is just moving clutter.  If the bins are in your trunk, you will be more apt to donate them immediately, especially when you need to get your groceries!

Depending on how many free bins you have available, you can start filling them with like items or make piles. I recently, worked on my boys closet. After removing every single thing and filling my trash and giving bins, I sorted by the type of toy.  Nerf guns/bullets/vests/goggles all ended in a pile. Video games, chargers, booklets, games in another. Piles of like items, gives you a visual for the quantity of items you have. My boys have a large Nerf collection, which required a large clear storage bin.  There are much more stylish decorating bins and baskets, but I have found for my young ones, a clear bin makes it so much easier for them when it comes to cleaning.  I love a label, but what good is it if they don't know how to read yet? 

After you have your sorted piles, make your way through your house or storage looking for empty containers in the sizes you need. I so rarely have to buy containers, I repurpose things I already have.  Ever been to a Sam's Club? Once, my boys finished a giant container filled with animal crackers. I ripped off the label, washed the plastic bin, made a new label and threw all of their Hot Wheel cars inside. I bet they have close to 200 and that container had room left over. My boys were so excited to have all of their cars in one place.  Izzy loves to save shoe boxes to store things like little GI Joe toys or Lego kits he likes to keep separate.  Contact paper is super cute now, slap some of that on and make a label and you can have coordinated boxes to store those small items. When I am looking for containers, I always search the kitchen aisles and think outside of the box. A silverware container could be used for paintbrushes and art supplies. I use photo boxes to store bigger art supplies, paints, markers, play doh. Buy cool folders during back to school sales, and store construction paper and finished art work. In the kitchen aisle, I found a large bin for 2.00 that was intended to store flour or sugar. I bought three and they fit perfectly in Izzy's lowest shelf for those misc. toys that have no real place. What a find! I love those websites with perfect closets and all of the bins are the same and beautiful, but most of the time, those bins/baskets are ridiculously expensive. You have things around your house that can make you more organized, you just need to look at it in a new way.  Then it is time to break out one of my most favorite inventions, the label maker. There is something about adding a label, it screams put me back in this space. My family needs that.  I have young boys, but once they know that all their dinosaurs go in the dino bin, I never have to remind them where something lives. My boys can make a mess, but I never have to clean their rooms for them. Even at 3 years old, Asher knows everything has a home and unless it is a misc bin or basket, things don't mix.  I'm telling you, a labeled bin will change your life!

When all of your items are in their labeled homes, and all like items are together, it is time to start re-loading your space. This step is really dependant on the space you're working on, but going back to my example of the boys closets, I started with what I didn't want them to have access to at all times. Start High to Low. Things you don't use as much should go to the highest spot and the things you use the most, should have the easiest access.  Symetery is important, stack things as they would appear pleasing to the eye.  Keeping like items together is important when reloading as well. This is my favorite part, because it is a challenge to find the best fit, just like Tetris.

When you have loaded your last item, step back and review.  Change anything that doesn't fit well or feel usable. Finish it up, with a quick clean up and you have a new space!

The next time you want to revamp an area in your home, remember:

1) Clean Palette

2) Trash/Give

3) Sort Like Items

4) Repurpose Search

5) Reload (Tetris) 

6) Clean up! 

Hard.

Some days, you are minding your own business, making dinner and chatting away with your Hubby when something happens. This something finally happened tonight. I knew it was coming, and even with time to prepare, I wasn't. 

My little Lovey came running after me saying, "Please Mommy, help my Bobo!" I run to their room assuming Izzy had been hurt, and when I found him sobbing in the corner, I assumed I was right. I was wrong. His first few sentences weren't understandable, but then I saw he was holding a photo album of baby Judah. He was hurt... it was just in his heart. I wrapped my arms around his limp body and he shook from his core. After a few minutes, he explains he was looking at pictures and he is hurting so badly because doesn't God know we love Judah? Did God forget I need my big brother here, not in heaven? Why do my friends get all their brothers not me? Why do some people get sick then healthy, but some people get sick and die? Doesn't God know we need him? 

I thought I would pass out, because my heart literally crushed before me.  The look on his face is a look I know so well. Grief. His body was uncontrollable and the crying was from the innermost places of his heart.  I could feel his pain as I held him. All of those hard questions, I was left to answer.  How do you answer those kinds of questions to a 6 year old? I wish I had some awesome response, but instead I just listened. I told him "Mommy understands." "I'm so sorry your heart hurts." "God knows our hearts and our aches and very soon we will get to reunite with our Judah and you won't feel like this ever again." 

Tonight, I'm thankful that my hugs and kisses were enough because nothing felt like the right answer. Sometimes, even though you know it's coming, there is just no right answer, no preparing. Sometimes, it is better to listen, then speak. Sometimes, people just need to be held and told it is okay to let it all out. 

That happened tonight, all while dinner was on the stove. 

Leave it to Asher to break the thickness. He walked right up to Izzy and said, "Bobo, I so sorry you sad. I sad too. I miss baby Judah too, but I not crying like a baaaaaby!" Our tears turned to giggles as my little comedian found the smiles in the midst of grief. Thankful, that there is joy even in mourning. Thankful for supporting and loving friends and GRACE, because I needed it tonight. 

Here is hoping that in your hard times, you are able to find a smile too.

What I want to do different in 2012

1. Give more. 
Hubby and I are always trying to give financially as much as the Medical School budget allows, but I want to be more giving of my time.

2. Control less.
You may not realize this, but I am a bit of a control freak. Moon Sand and I can't be friends because of the mess anxiety it brings. '12 is going to be the year of the relaxed Mommy. We will paint more, and stress less. 

3. Appreciate daily.
I have a great Hubby. I've bragged on him a lot in this blog, and even that doesn't do him justice. We spent November apart due to his school rotation and in that time I realized just how good I've got it. I knew it before, but when you are left with 2 kids who are the sickest they have been in life and for the entire travel month, you see your spouse and partner in a new light. You will also ugly cry when he walks in the door for a good hour. I am super good at doing special things for my kids, and now it is Hubby's turn. 

4. Stop procrastinating.
I'm an organized control freak, with a family calendar, a kid calendar and alarms for everything, yet there are a few tasks that no matter what I do to make them organized and easy, I can't seem to stop procrastinating them. 

5. Clean my room.
Truth time. If you came in my house right now, you would see a clean house with an immaculate boys room with a closet so perfectly straight, my boys are scared to get dressed in the morning. The playroom is organized and lovely and everything has a place. Then there is my Master. I don't know why, but I have a hard time keeping this space organized. It makes no sense really. If I can keep a 6 & 3 year olds closet perfect, you would think I could keep my own. Either way, I think #4 has something to do with this one. 

6. Become a better teacher.
I don't homeschool, but Izzy does take piano and we have daily homework. I want my kids to enjoy and look forward to these tasks that otherwise might not be viewed as fun, and that starts with me. Time to get creative. Also, see #2.

7. Take care of Me.
This is vague and general, but there are some things I learned about myself in '11, on an emotional/relational level that I didn't like. This year I want to be better about boundaries for myself and trusting in rest.  I also want to improve my overall health and fitness. I recently, overhauled my skin care regimen, thanks to my friend KW, the knower of all things Sephora. My skin was showing my stress level and let's face it, it's time to start the prevention track. As weird as it sounds, in '12 I need to be a little more selfish.


8. Practice patience.
I am a horrible example of patience to my children. Awful. My brain works in list form and it is difficult for me to sloooooooooooow down. I hate slow things, and being late. Well, slow things minus the crock pot. I love that thing. 


I was going to think of 12 things, but it's midnight and my brain is tired so 8 it is. This is me creating a boundary for myself and taking care of me. Look at that. 

Ashers Quote of the Day: I asked Izzy to do something and he gave me a revised plan of what he thought he should do first. Before I could correct him Ash said, "Bobo, obey your parents, children, in all the single times. Washions 3:20" 

 

 

Stranger Danger

Once again, I am apologizing for the light posting, but it is the holiday season and my HUBBY IS BAAAAAAAAAAACK! 

We have been spending every moment possible together as a family and enjoying every second of it. Well, except for a few VERY scary moments at a local store this weekend. It started out as a great family outing. Lunch and a visit with Santa. Now, Izzy doesn't believe in Santa and Asher is scared to death of him, but Izzy still thinks it is super fun to do all the Christmas traditions, and I love a good photo op. 

Scene:

Bass Pro Shop, have you been there? It is like gigantic and there are bears with giant claws, right next to a aisle of nostalgic candy. Kids love it. It is always hectic and busy...like the Walmart for Hunters, but trade seeing people in pajamas for camo. Add 2,000 extra people for the holidays and tons of North Pole decorations and you have the picture. It was busy and crowded. We were walking in a single file line through the North Pole and Izzy was a few feet in front of me when in a split second a woman in aisle grabbed him by the arm and yanked him out of sight. It took me a few seconds to process what happened, and before I could react, I see Izzy break away from her grip with a crazy self defense move and he ran back behind Daddy. I'm still frozen and trying to process. Hubby is walking with absolutely no clue of the events unfolding behind him. The lady attempts AGAIN but this time goes for his shoulder/neck and he swats her away. She happened to look up and see my face, then it hit her. She looked over and realized she was grabbing my kid, not hers. She apologized quickly and proceeded to grab her son by the neck and pull him down the aisle screaming. Izzy was terrified. I was shocked. Hubby was clueless. 

Finally, when my brain kicked in and fully processed, I was A HOT MESS OF ANGER. I wanted to find that woman and rip her apart. Not only should she not treat her child like that, I really thought for those few moments, she was trying to steal my child. Then when I realized it was an accident, it still made me mad that she handled him in such a way. When I explained to Hubby, he was angry and shocked like me. I took a few seconds to talk to Izzy and let him know how proud I was of him. I watched him fight off someone who could have very easily taken him. He did great. I told him next time, scream STRANGER! at the top of his lungs and he said, "Um, screaming makes my throat hurt, I really don't like it. I probably won't do that." Oh Izzy. For the rest of the night he was attached to me like glue. If we leave our house, he clutches my hand. He is still terrified. 

Last night, we were driving through our neighborhood and he realized that each house has a number. This is the convo that followed that thought.

Iz: "Why would you put your number on your house? Strangers will know where you live!"

Me: "Well, if we didn't our friends, family and the postman would never find us."

Iz: "Are you kidding me?!? Forget the mail! Who even cares! I don't want to be stolen! I don't want our house to be robbed because you put our number on the front of our house! This is just crazy! Take it down Mom! Don't you know that lady could find out our address now and that would be horrible. I want to live at home forever. Please don't ever let someone take me."

I am just so devastated. While in some ways, this is good practice and makes all those warnings so very real, I just hate that he has to be scared to make the realization. He has mentioned it several times every night since. Sunday night during dinner he said, "Mommy, you are the best Mommy and I don't ever want someone to take me away from you." I wanted to cry.

Moral of the Story:

People are crazy. Hunting Walmarts are packed and people will cut you to see Santa. Even if you are over-protective like me, it can happen in a flash. Keep your kids close, like on your hip. Santa will understand if you have to use Mace, it's for the kids. 

Looking back, I wish my brain would've worked faster. I wish I would've defended Izzy even if it meant fighting that crazy lady off. In crazy situations, my brain goes into slow motion mode, and maybe this is Gods way of keeping me out of jail...but, for this one time, I wouldn't have minded. I was totally dressed for the news.

Oh, and we never did get to see Santa. Turns out people line up and get cards like days before. We don't have that kind of time and I am not going back to encounter more crazies. We saw him from afar, we wrote him letters and we will bake cookies. All from the safety of our home.  

P.S.

I am adding those leash backpacks to my kids Christmas list. (joke. Maybe)

Irony.

Husbands are great. Especially mine. 

Husbands help you bring in the groceries and put them away. 
Husbands take out the trash.
Husbands kill spiders.
Husbands shoo away door-to-door sales people.
Husbands fill your SUV with gas.
Husbands wash said SUV when dirty (mine is always dirty)
Husbands help with transporting kids. 
Husbands help get the kids bathed and ready so you can get yourself ready.
Husbands get the mail.
Husbands do the boring errands.
Husbands reach the high things.
Husbands carry the heavy laundry.
Husbands cook dinner when you are too tired.
Husbands use their deep voice to discipline your kids when your Mommy look doesn't work.
Husbands stay home with the kids so you can go grocery shopping alone.
Husbands give you hugs and kisses when you have had a long day.
Husbands let you ramble.
Husbands make you laugh.
Husbands let you cuddle when it is very cold outside.
Husbands pray for you.
Husbands give you compliments, when you clearly don't deserve them. 


My Hubby does all of these things and a million more. I am missing him so very much tonight. I won't see him again for still another week and this is the longest in our 11 years of marriage of being apart. I do not like it.


You know what else Husbands do? They snore. My hubby snores so loud that I have to create a pillow cave for my head, so that only my mouth and chin are visible and my right arm has to lock them into position to create a snore barrier. 
Truth: Many nights I lay in my pillow cave, tossing and turning and praying to have one night of quiet, uninterrupted sleep. The whole bed to myself, no snoring. 


The first two weeks of Hubby's travels, I was living on minutes of sleep due to the kids crazy sickness and didn't notice. But, I have a problem. Kids are healthy. Hubby is gone. I have the bed and my remote to myself, and guess what. I. CAN'T SLEEP!!!! I'm freezing cold, watching all of my favorite shows without interruption and no snoring. It should be like a sleep vacation, right?


Except,  I miss him. I can't sleep with him OR without him! Why is my brain playing tricks on me? Even though it is completely unnecessary, I am still sleeping in my pillow cave hoping to fall asleep, but it takes hours to happen. 


Hubby,  I miss you. Come home. I need sleep. And a kiss. I will even take your snoring. I'm desperate. 


xoxo
M.

Rant.

Can I be real for a second? Good.  Facebook. It is good for so many reasons. You can stay connected with long lost friends and family. Family that otherwise would never see or know anything about my children have an opportunity to know what is going on in our lives on any given day. Pictures, funny stories, prayer requests, birthday reminders...again so many good things. 

Facebook for many is kind of like a daily journal, except all of your friends get to read it too.  It hit me last night, when I couldn't sleep, that it would be interesting to go back through my posts over the last few months and see what it says about me. You know what I found? My kids are hilarious. I have absolutely the sweetest Hubby around. My friends are hysterical and OH so giving. My family has had more fun in 6 months than some do in years. And I am tremendously blessed. 

It got me thinking about some of the stuff I see from my friends on Facebook. Some of it made me sad. Many faces came to mind, that if you read several months of their posts at one time, it would be so depressing! This month everyone is talking and focused on what they are grateful for. And yet, there are so many people out there, just wallowing in the tiniest of problems and sometimes I have to stop myself from saying, "It is your own fault." People, you have the power to determine your day. Your words, your attitude set the course for how your day goes and your interaction with others. 

I have been through some stuff. I don't want to make light of hard times, I get it. And please hear me when I say, we all have bad days. Bad Mommy days. Bad wife days....just bad days and by all means be honest about it. But, if you look over the course of time, and you are constantly declaring to the world how awful your life is, how nothing ever works out for you, and why don't people care for you like they do for others...I think, "Would you want to be friends with yourself?" Honestly, I don't think so. 

We are called to be a light to a dark world, and yet so many of us are just adding to the darkness. Stop sharing all of your gripes and complaints and do something for yourself to make it better. 

There is always going to be circumstances to complain about. Always going to be friendships that aren't going as you wish. Always going to be days of frustration. Always stuff.  But with that, there are always things to be grateful for. Always people to love and appreciate. And Always, God is bigger than your problem.

Every day can't be that bad...and if it is, what are you doing to contribute to it?

 It's like the genius' on Pinterest say:

 Suck it up and put a smile on your face. Rant Over. :)








 

Get ready to cry.

My Izzy....oh he gets me. He is such a little ball of emotion, sensitivity and creativity. I'm about to share something very personal to Izzy, but I want to remember this and blogging about it is probably the best way. Izzy is now 6 years old. He is taking piano lessons and we tease that he is our little Billy Elliot, because he can't keep his feet still and his mouth is rarely without a song. Music is literally in his soul. 

My Dad has written songs his whole life. He taught himself how to play the piano, drums and bass and it seems as if that gifting has passed down to Izzy. One night when my parents were babysitting, Izzy and Papa wrote a song together. It was sweet and I thought, "Oh how cute, this is a fun way for them to connect." Well, it has taken on a life of it's own. He hasn't stopped. He is constantly writing songs, when he is in the shower, eating dinner, doing homework, should be sleeping...I mean all of the time. Most of them are worship songs about how much he loves God. Sometimes they are about his day, or something silly. A couple of weeks ago, he wrote a song and sang it for me and it made me cry. He wrote it, sang it and even sang the background vocals at the same time...I mean he is thinking of everything. 

Tonight, while driving to meet Papa for dinner, Izzy was belting out a song, like from his soul, eyes closed, (imagine Adele singing) from his guts...singing. I asked him, "Wow, Izzy that sounds great. Is that a song from the radio?" He said, "No, I'm writing it as I go. The words just come into my heart." 

Here is the song from tonight...but the melody is so killer so just reading doesn't do it justice:


My heart. My soul. It never, never felt this way before.
My heart. My soul. It never, never felt this way before.

Your love is turnin' it up. Turnin' it up. Oh Yeah!
Your love is turnin' it up. Turnin' it up. Oh Yeah! 

Never Never Never felt this way before. 
Never Never Never felt this way before. 

This song was so good and the way he sang it, oh my word. I honestly thought it was a hook from a song he heard. He was doing Christina Aguilera hands and everything. He was getting it. 

But here is the thing, he sings it like his life depends on it and then when it is over...he has no recollection of the melody or words. I have to buy a voice recorder or something. 


I was telling my Mom about his song and she handed over a notebook of another song he had written this past week, that I didn't know about. 


Here it is: 


Lord, you're good, you're always good. 
God to me, is the smartest. 
God you are a good God. You are good. You are the only one God. 
We have you, you are the best. The only one we have in our lives to be our favorite. You have all the people. You live in our hearts. 
You are the best God in the only world we have. 
I love you. 
The End
Izzy 11/10/2011


I need to take a picture of his written words because it is just precious. Tomorrow, my goal is to buy him a journal so he can write it all in one place. 


Maybe I'm wrong or just biased, but are any other 6 year olds spending all of their time song writing? I don't think so. Which makes me feel like I am getting a little peek as to what Izzy might be doing when he is older. I knew that Izzy was made special. The way he came into this world, his story and the promise of his life, I knew God had a special work for him. So maybe, instead of trying to keep those little dancing legs still, I will be encouraging him a whole lot more. He has songs just bursting out, so I better help him get them out. 


Mommy has to start keeping the video camera charged, journals and pens ready and my listening ears on. I've got a composer on my hands.

 

Everything

The last two weeks have been completely crazy. Hubby is traveling each week. Both boys were sick the entire first week of his travels. Things were looking up, boys seemed better and Hubby came home for the weekend, and we enjoyed some good family time. As soon as he left again, Asher got hit with a second round of the virus and went back to having a almost 104 temp for days. After a visit to the local Children's Hospital and then another Doctors visit a couple of days later, he has finally made a turn around. For the first time in November, I have 2 healthy kids. Because of all of this, we have a lot of catching up to do. First, it hit me that maybe you didn't know that I have two pretty special boys. Sweet boys by day, Crime fighters by night....

                                Cleaning up the streets...                            

 My Batman with one of his Best Friends Captain America (Haiden)

Secondly, I have absolutely, without a doubt, the best friends in the entire world. While I was in the midst of single parenting two of the sickest kids I have ever had, I was smothered in love and support from my buddies.  Excuse me while I brag on them a bit...

  My friend Jeannie, picked up Izzy from school and practiced spelling and entertained him when I spent the day at the hospital with Asher. Her and her Husband Mike, even offered a week of taxi-ing services while Asher was down.  My friend Laretha, dropped off a goody bag FULL of healthy treats, Vitamin waters and a special Starbucks drink for me. She was even brave enough to sit, catch up and make me laugh. I needed that. My friend Katie, dropped off a homemade dinner of delicious chili and cookies and then made a second trip on week number 2 and left a package of Toy Story 3 Squinkies for Asher. He has spent every day playing with those things.  My friend Carolyn dropped off a big gift bag full of stuff to keep my little one happy, like a Toy Story 3 game, coloring books, crayons, and a Buzz Notebook.  That delivery made him smile for the first time in 2 weeks, and it kept him busy. My sister-in-law Amanda, took Izzy to his soccer awards, which he would've missed otherwise, ate dinner with a group of strangers and took pictures because she knows I'm crazy about that. When she dropped him off, she also delivered a Starbucks coffee and a yummy slice of pumpkin bread.  My friend Stacy offered a hot tub for a night of relaxing and bought me a yummy dinner to help me regroup. It was amazing!   

If that wasn't enough love for him, Ashers Grammy who lives on the East Coast, was feeling so bad for her little guy she sent a  HUGE basket full of fruit, hot wheels, crayons, coloring books and a bouquet of balloons! On top of all of that, I had countless texts and Facebook messages of offers to help and so many people praying for my family. 

I gotta say, there is much to be said about friends who don't just offer help, but just come and do what is needed. I think without them, I would've been huddled up in a corner sobbing, but just when I was feeling run down, there would be a knock on the door and a friend with a smile to greet me. I can't even explain how amazing that felt. I have prayed for years that God would surround me with a group of people like this, and he sent his very best.  When my Hubby is gone, and my parents are busy, it is so fantastic to know that I can be at peace because there is a huge group of people who will stand in the gap and love and support me in the meantime. I owe all of these people, plus the many, many more that has been there for me in the last few weeks a huge THANK YOU! I owe them hugs, prayers, delicious baked goods and fattening coffee drinks when they need it. I plan on keeping my ears open, because I want to bless them right back when they need a smile.

Thirdly, I have an awesomely giving Hubby. After driving back and forth (several hours each way, and when lots of Hubby's wouldn't waste the time), he has come home on the weekends to help me out. Without him, I would have been living on a 10 minute stretch of sleep each night for 2 weeks. After working long hours at a hospital far away then driving several hours, he came home with a huge bouquet of flowers, Chinese food and pumpkin muffins to greet me. He immediately sent me to bed to rest and took over. He cleaned the house, he did all of the laundry. (Not just the 4 people family laundry, but the extra 100 sick loads) he folded and put them all away. He Doctored sick kids, he made dinners and lunches, he took Izzy to school, packed lunches, helped with homework, picked Izzy up from school and ran errands for me, so I could rest. He let me focus on the kids and took care of everything else. He made sure he took care of everything before heading back out of town. He stayed until the very last minute possible to spend time with his family and help as much as possible. He is amazing. This weekend when the kids were completely better, he did anything the kids wanted. He played Wii Sports with Asher until Ash couldn't stand up anymore. Saturday we enjoyed a preview of Happy Feet 2 thanks to iFamilyKC and afterwards, we went to the kids favorite restaurant, went out for ice cream and then went to the Toy Store for hours, just to make them happy. I have a great husband. 

The moral of this story is this: Treat others how you want to be treated. The golden rule is really true, and not just something we teach our kids. When you give kindness, you get it right back. A simple gesture means OH so much, when you are feeling down.  I want to be known as a good friend and a giver. I am surrounded with those people, and I am so thankful and blessed. Now it is my turn. :) 

Double Blah.

I will have to post about the two cutest boys on Halloween at another time, because I roughly have about 4 minutes until I am needed again.

Halloween night, we were out late at a costume party. We had a blast. I could tell the cold and smoke from the fire pit was affecting Izzy because he was getting a deep cough. I took him home, put him to bed with some organic honey syrup and called it a night. 4am, I find out he had been up all night..in my parents room. He was S.I.C.K. I woke up Ash at normal time and his eyes were black and his was color off. I was just waiting for the coughing to kick in too. I took them both to urgent care and waited......(wait for it)....4 HOURS. All I can say is thank goodness for well behaved boys and the Leapster. They were perfect and not a single complaint. Although, I shouldn't say what I was thinking in my head. :)

After a strep test that came back negative, they finally concluded that Izzy has a viral infection of the chest and a severe cough causing laryngitis symptoms. Home we went and I put my boys to bed. Except, Izzy was so sick he couldn't sleep. When I went to wake Ash, I quickly realized, all those signs I saw that morning had come to fruition and they were all over his bed and carpet.  Little Asher is sick too, just not with the same virus. His seems to be a stomach virus as he can't keep a single drink of liquid down for more than seconds. Did I mention Hubby is gone for the month in a town less than 2 miles in diameter 6 hours away? Yep, true story. So I couldn't even pick up Izzy's prescription, because now little brother is throwing up constantly. I have a toddler in my bed and a big boy in his room, both crying for help for different reasons. Izzy feels like he is choking and can only sleep when given his super duper strength codeine cough syrup (that I was able to pick up later because of wonderful Papa and Grandma who also supplied dinner.)

Last night, I lay awake waiting for the "MoM!" calls. It had been quiet for a bit, so I closed my eyes for a total of 30 seconds to be awakened by a need for a trash can from one and another one who said, "MY BODY IS ON FIRE, PLEASE COME HELP ME!!!" I jump and run to help and as I am making my way to his room,  I hear Asher say, "Bobo, you gotta Stop. Drop. Roll!" He is funny even when he is very sick. :)  In summary, I got lots of exercise last night and not a lot of sleep.

Hubby and I have never slept with our kids except for hotel stays when they were smaller. Last night, Asher slept in bed with me and the whole night he kept his tiny little hand on my shoulder. It was the sweetest feeling. That moment pretty much made up for all of the yucky stuff.

My time is up, I am being summoned. Super Mom to the rescue!!!

Hero.

My Izzy is a hero. 

Two times this week, he helped someone on the play ground he didn't know, who had been hurt by someone else.  He came home yesterday and said that a little boy was lying on the ground crying because he had been pushed down. Izzy helped him up and asked who did that to him. When the boy pointed him out, Izzy went to the boy who pushed and said, "Don't you EVER do that again, you could've really hurt him. This is your last chance, you do that again and I will tattle tale you so bad!" The pusher agreed and then Izzy said, "You go home and tell your Mom you did this too."

Turns out, being big for your age really has its benefits. 

Parent/Teacher conferences were this afternoon. I asked Izzy this morning how he thought it would go and he was super confident that it was going to be "all good things." He was pretty much right. He is doing well in all of his subjects, especially Music...obvious. The only real complaint she had was his handwriting. This is my complaint too. So sloppy. We are practicing every night and I know it will improve this year. 

The main thing she wanted to talk about was his behavior. This is what she said of Izzy:


Izzy is the best friend I have ever met. He is a best friend to each and every kid in class. He is super social and nice to everyone no matter what. There are kids in class that are underprivileged and handicapped and he plays with them all equally and without thought. If you ask the kids they each say Izzy is their best friend. He is kind, honest, honorable and helpful. 


Now, I was super happy to hear he is doing well in his subjects and that he hasn't had problems in anyway, but it made me beam to hear what I have always known to be true, he has been created with a special heart. He loves with complete purity. He doesn't care about your skin, your status, your gender or physical limitations. 


I wish I knew more people like that. We are all called to love, and I am learning how to do it even better from my six year old. He is my hero.

 

Homework and Life Lessons

Izzy is in First Grade. He just finished reading his first reading textbook and is on to the second level. With this new level of knowledge, his class has  begun the adventure of weekly spelling lists and Friday spelling tests. This also means that each night we need to add spelling words to our list of things to work on. Izzy is currently trying to fill out his book club sheet, meaning he reads to me each night and records what he read and how many pages and when he reaches 25 he turns it in for recognition in the newsletter and the announcements and receives a small treat. We are up to 50 books at this point, so he is doing fairly well. 

Gotta be honest, I was a liiiiiittle worried about spelling. Some people have a natural talent for spelling and others it just becomes a struggle for life. I was hoping he would fall in the first category to save me from wrinkles and impatience. Luckily, I have awesome friends that all share their tips and tricks with me and when I worked with Izzy that first night, after 5 minutes, I tested him and he got 100%! What a relief!

Between Izzy reading me multiple books (slowly) and Me reading chapter books to him every night, (and devotions and Bible), any homework he didn't finish at school and our new challenge of penmanship... a request not made by his teacher, but completely a necessity for me to be able to save any of his work from school, we hardly have any time for fun. I don't like this at all. Izzy is pretty tired after a full day at school. Add in chores, piano, soccer, homework and reading and most nights he is heading to bed-hours- after his normal bedtime.  

Ever have one of those moments when you are in the midst of your normal routine and you look at your kids and realize, "I am BLESSED!" My boys are not perfect, but I could not ask for anything better. They are loving and kind to one another and they are great friends to everyone they meet. Quiet and gentle and both have been given sensitive spirits. I was working tonight in the basement, when I looked up to find Izzy encouraging Asher and telling him how proud he is of him, followed by a giant hug and a "I love you." No prompting, in fact, I was so into my work I am not certain of the reasoning behind it.  A few minutes later, I overheard Asher telling his Bobo how much he missed him today and he is glad he is home. They were playing quietly so I could work and I loved hearing such positive words. I stopped what I was doing and applauded their behavior and instructed them to load up in the car because I was taking them out for ice cream BEFORE dinner, something I have never done.  It was just one of those moments, that hit me like a truck. I am so lucky and in love with these boys and my 12 mile long list can wait so I can reward them for their kindness.

Priceless.

After our special treat and dinner out with Daddy, Izzy and I came back to buckle down and work on all of that homework. I told him to take a potty break and go to the living room for 2 minutes and get his wiggles out because when we sit, we focus. He loves that, and it really seems to help. We tackled one thing at a time and in the middle of a 3 page lesson with a lot of writing, Izzy got out of his chair and gave me a big hug and whispered in my ear, "Momma, thank you for helping me with my homework and being so nice. It makes me feel good and work hard." *tears*


So, this is my life now. My nights are filled with taxi-ing boys all over the city, Room Mom meetings, school functions, and lots and lots of homework. Tonight was one of those nights, that makes up for the not so easy times and all of the exhaustion. :) 

Glad that a lesson we have been trying to teach Izzy is connecting: Attitude determines everything! Even when things don't come easy to you, don't give up. Make up your mind to be positive and practice until it becomes easy. Negative attitude always gets Negative results. 

This is a great lesson for me too. Impatience is something I am always working to combat. When I allow negativity and impatience to get the best of me, I will only see negative reactions in my children.  Even when they test my patience, my attitude determines their outcome.  


Tonight was a victory for all of us, our good attitudes were rewarded with love, kind words and a sugary treat. What is better than that?

Double the Treasure.

A couple of months ago, Izzy told me his bottom front teeth were loose. They would barely move, but they did. I am not one for these types of situations, so my solution was for him to wiggle them on his own. I am also not one for germs or touching your mouth so like a complete germaphobe, I requested he do it with a baby wipe in hand to create a germ barrier or with his tongue.

Shark Teeth

After a visit to the dentist for a cleaning and check-up, we knew it was important to get these teeth out because his adult teeth have already broke through and they need room and also, it is unattractive to look like a shark with multiple rows of teeth. I knew we were close, so tonight I just told him I would read his favorite book while he wiggled and twisted those puppies out. While he was wiggling he said, "I sure wish my Daddy was a Dentist, it would make my life so much easier right now!"
It didn't take much, one single tear and then POP! the first one was out!

Baby Tooth #1!

He was so excited he ran to tell everyone and check on himself in the mirror.  When he decided it didn't hurt much at all and he looked pretty good, he was determined to get #2 out.

Working on #2!

A couple of minutes later and a few bloody baby wipes and we had not one, but two first teeth out and inside the Teeth Treasure Chest I made for just this occasion.  10/10/2011, my sweet boy lost the very first teeth that kept us up on a couple of nights as a 4 month old.  While I'm sad, I thought I would be a little more emotional  than this. Maybe because I had so much notice and we are months behind all of his friends in the tooth loss game. Either way, I think I am so proud because he was so brave! Anyone who knows my Izzy, knows he is as dramatic as a Telenovelas actor and so I was prepared for a battle. I guessed wrong. He said it hurt, but he did it all himself. I thought for sure the first sight of blood would send us over the edge, but no, we just went through a pile of baby wipes, like no big deal.

Double the Treasure.

Which brings me to the tooth fairy. Do we or Don't we? My parents did, which is very unlike the rest of my childhood. I went to the store and bought an unfinished chest that I later painted,  because I thought it has a lock and I could save his teeth safely and I will just see how he feels about things as it happened. Well, he shocked me tonight with the, "Look Mom, I know there is no tooth fairy. It just doesn't make sense. No one told me about it, I just figure it doesn't make sense. I've never seen no fairy and how do they get in your room? How do they get money in there? What do they do with your teeth? It's not real. So I know it has to be an adult like you guys." So all of my worrying was for nothing because all I had to say was, "Whatever you believe is fine with me Izzy, lets just put your teeth in the Treasure Chest for safe keeping and tomorrow you will have a treasure and you can decide how it got there." He was super happy about that and I was happy not to fib about something he was so not into anyway.

Then, to my surprise, after they were both out and I was wishing him a great nights rest, he said, "I will know she is real if she leaves me a note...not just money." So guess I'm writing a note tonight too.

My next issue ....

What is the going rate for a tooth these days? Because I am pretty sure my parents stepped the reward game up about 20 notches. They each gave me $5 to pass on to the treasure chest and I haven't even given to the tooth fund yet! I don't think they thought this through because 2 boys with lots of teeth....they may need to retire at some point.

I was hoping to get to bed early since I haven't taken a breath since 2 weeks ago Thursday, but instead I am going to have to stay up to ensure he is completely out before I sneak in his room. Let's pray I don't fall asleep before I do, because Izzy wakes before the sun and Mommy does not.

Piano Man

My Izzy has been taking piano lessons since August. It is about time I share what hard work and practice has earned him after only a couple of months. 

I am one proud Mommy! 

 

Mom Duties.

Being a Mommy is hard work, yo.

Take for instance, my little Lovey. In two days he was completely potty trained. Easy. Peasy. *screeeech* Hold up. Then came the dreaded #2. I assumed it would be just as easy and seamless, because once Izzy understood one, he understood the other and he was potty trained in 4 days. After 4 days at home, I could take him anywhere and he never had a single accident. Lovey, however, is a mule. His stubbornness and will power can not be tamed. There is no currency large or shiny enough to entice my mule and he has decided he doesn't like poop. I said it, it's out there now. He believes that if he holds it long enough, the problem will just go away. We can't talk about it, ever. If you do, it is a catastrophe of epic proportions. He turns red, starts to sweat and shakes a little. He gets really nervous and then cries, "NO Mommy, No! I scared! I scared!" When he starts sweating and crying, then I start sweating and want to cry too. Why is this hard?

Last week, he had made himself so sick by holding it, he literally was turning yellow, had a low grade fever, and couldn't stand up or sit down. Late one night, I had to do what I had been trying to avoid-suppository time. Ugh, it is just as horrible and traumatic as you imagine. It is torture!!!! My sweet baby who is sick and in pain needs to feel better, but the one thing that can bring instant relief is just so awful. He looked at me with his big brown eyes and BEGGED me to not do it. But, being the Mommy, I knew I had no choice. Within seconds, it worked and while I held my sweaty, hysterical baby on the toilet, I finally let it out and cried with him. I felt so sad that he was in pain and so sad that he doesn't understand he can make it so much easier on himself. Since then we have had to replay that situation 3 times. Every time has been just as awful and just as quick as it is all over, he is a new boy, happy and well.

Then it happened....

I taught in his class at church today and I noticed he just wanted to lie on the rug and read books and a few times he asked if we could go home. Not big signs to anyone else, but Ash is OBSESSED with church. He asks me every day if it is "Church Day" and when it finally is Sunday morning, he rushes me to get ready so we can hurry up and get there. So when he asked to go home, I knew what the problem was. The dreaded #2 was up to no good. I did a lot of self talk on the ride home from church today. "You can do this. It will be 30 minutes of torture for a day of a happy boy. DO. NOT CRY." I'll be honest, it is heartbreaking and gross. Not how I want to spend any moment of my weekend. When I asked him to come to my room, he knew exactly what was going on and started to fuss. Then it got louder, and he got red...and sweaty. I decided to just try without any medicine and while he fought me the whole way, it finally happened. He was able to go without any help and that is a HUGE accomplishment. You have to understand that this kid is newly trained, and has held it through the night and until NOON before without peeing one time because he didn't want any poop to come out. Do you know how small a 3 year olds bladder is? OMW I didn't think it was physically possible, but he willed it to be. So the fact that he went without help is so major in my life right now, while gross and possible TMI, it deserved a spot on the blog. There is bound to be more crying and sweating over this issue, but I will take it if it means he is learning how to listen to his body's cues and follow through. Some day we will look back and laugh about this and I will remind him that this is just one of many reasons why it is his turn to take such good care of me.

Then, there is my Bobo. Izzy has been working so hard this week and some of the things he was struggling with he has made BIG improvements and I am so proud of him. It is a hard transition from non-stop vacations this summer back to our non-stop school schedule. It took a couple of weeks, but he is in full swing now and instead of being down about all the responsibilities he has, he is looking in a more positive light and working hard to earn rewards at home and at school. So glad it clicked! My Bobo is growing so fast and it is ripping my heart out. He is 6 and almost as tall as his teacher. Not joking. Last week they measured, and he said, "I am as tall as my teachers neck!" He is up to my shoulders already and I fear that by second grade he could be taller than me. That is going to make discipline difficult. :) Izzy is wearing a size 4 shoe and size 10 pants. People: TEN. Like for 10 years old!!! I can't handle this. In the midst of PoopGate:2011, he informed me he has his first wiggly tooth. Of course you do, next you will be shaving and picking out a corsage for Prom. If you know me, I am not a "body" person. (can you tell from my earlier story?) I don't like blood, or gross things. The thought of pulling my son's tooth makes me want to throw up. What did I do? I told him, his tooth will fall out when it is ready and to just let it happen naturally. Why might I say that? Well, lets go back to the 80's, shall we? Back in the day, my Mom, who is the complete opposite of myself-loves all things bloody and disgusting, tied all of my loose teeth to my bedroom door and slammed it. I watched as my baby teeth flew across the room and I wailed as blood poured from my wounded mouth. (Dramatic? Probably, but let me have my memories.) My mom found a weird delight in this. She could barely contain herself until my next tooth was loose, so she could do it again! This is why, I can't handle my baby losing his tooth. I don't want anything to do with it and I have already warned him of Grandma's weird love for pulling teeth and to steer clear of her in this time of his life.

Tonight, he complained that his tooth was hurting while eating an apple, so I sliced it for him, and just thought it is getting close to falling out. No big deal. Baths and bedtime, and as I am kissing him goodnight, I ask to see his wiggly tooth and he says, "MOM I have 4 teeth!" He opens up and I find 2 adult teeth have popped up behind his soon to be gone baby teeth. I. could. cry.

I had made peace with that first baby tooth leaving the nest that is his mouth, but really 2 at a time and the flippin' adult teeth can't give me a month of mental transition time? Come ON! Tomorrow, I am calling the pediatric dentist for a visit. I have a feeling it might be another situation where I am holding a red, sweaty boy on a chair.

And again I say, being a Mom is hard, yo!

Side note: Pray for beautiful adult teeth for sweet Izzy. So far, they are looking good. But we don't need any of this...

Best Moments

Hubby and I will be celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary in less than 2 weeks. Life gets hectic and crazy, and around your special days you start to think about all that you have experienced and shared together. So I thought I would share some of our very best moments in our years together.

Our wedding was a blur, as I am sure most would agree. Our honeymoon however, was like a dream! We traveled to St. Thomas and proceeded to spend several days in swim wear, lounging the beach with umbrella drinks and avoiding iguanas at all costs. I took naps in a hammock on the beach, while my sweetie snorkeled. We shopped, we ate way too much, but my most favorite memory is how much we just enjoyed each others company, completely relaxed. No decisions to be made, no jobs or families to think about. We just laid in our lounge chairs and soaked up the sun and loved being near one another. It was perfect, exactly how a honeymoon should be.

When we returned, we came back to our newly built, apartment. Both of us had only lived at home with our parents (we married at 21) and although we didn't have much to fill up our new pad, we didn't care. When I think back, we had a full sized bed, a 13 inch tv, our clothes and wedding presents. That is it. We had the best time just lying on our living room floor eating chicken because that is all I knew how to cook at the time and talking for hours. We shopped often and picked out pieces that we dreamed of filling our new place with and it was such an exciting experience to feel like a real adult. We had our own place! It was amazing!

Hubby and I both had great jobs and while our apartment was brand new and in a new trendy part of town, we knew our next move was to our first house. I searched with my Mom for fun and when I felt like I found a great deal, I set it up so Hubby could walk through it with me. It was a 3 bedroom ranch with all hardwood floors and an unfinished basement. An older couple had built the house together and shortly after, the husband passed. It was an older house at the time, but it felt barely lived in. We both saw the potential and decided to put an offer in. Next thing I know, we are moving our stuff (I say this lightly, because I think we only added a couch and a huge tv to our list to this point.) into our very own house. We had family over for a painting and pizza party and spent all of our time making it our own. I loved that house.

Something about owning your own home makes you feel like you need something. We weren't quite ready for babies, just yet, but a puppy? Yes! One day, I came home with a 8 week old Brindle Boxer puppy. He was adorable and my very first baby boy. We named him Pele'. He was a perfect fit.

This house is also where we conceived our first two boys. We never had the chance to bring Judah home, but one of my best memories, is bringing my itty bitty Izzy home. Born at 32 weeks, 8 weeks early, we were able to bring him home at the 35 week mark. I was scared to death and didn't know how to care for a preemie. I remember walking in with our little carrier sitting him in the living room and Hubby and I staring at each other like, "What do we do now?" Don't worry, it only took us a few minutes to figure it out. Soon enough the house was overflowing with baby stuff. My favorite picture of all time is when Izzy was probably 10 lbs (around 3 months) and sitting in the front yard in the grass. He looked so tiny and now when I drive by that house I just picture my little baby feeling the sunshine and grass for the first time at that house.

Remodeling... it was a tough job, but after months of hard work, Hubby and my Dad finished off the basement into an amazing area. We had a room for storage and laundry, a 4th bedroom and bathroom and a large entertainment room. It was so fun to have friends over to hang out and we really enjoyed that space.

Before you know it, we've been married 7 years and our little Izzy is now 18 months. Grammy came to visit to stay with Izzy while Hubby whisks me back to St. Thomas for a second honeymoon. It was just as glorious as the first, but we were even more in love. We visited St. John, snorkeled a underwater trail, shopped til we dropped, enjoyed boat rides, kayak trips, hiking, delicious food and each others company. It was wonderful.

A few moves and years of pre-med schooling later, we find out we are pregnant with our third little boy. I remember being hugely pregnant and potty training Izzy who was 2 at the time, sitting in a chair in the driveway watching him ride his tricycle and snuggling extra during the day since Mommy had no energy to do anything else.

Last year we took our first family of 4 vacation that wasn't to visit family. It was all about the kids and we did so many things. In St. Louis, we visited the children's museum, the arch, did some shopping and spent some time downtown. Then we finished up our road trip in Chicago where we hit everything you can imagine. It is our favorite and I could totally see us living there some day. I love those memories. Two little guys with no pressure, time line and only focused on fun. I will never forget the four of us in the giant Ferris Wheel overlooking downtown Chicago. I didn't want it to end!

We have made so many great memories since Asher was born. Family vacations, Friday family movie nights, sports outings, nights with friends, but my most favorite are the moments he doesn't know I see. Catching him go in after the kids are asleep to give them one last kiss. Reading them stories or teaching them something only a Daddy can teach.

I love picturing Hubby and Izzy holding hands as we walked him to his first day of Preschool. Then Kindergarten and now First Grade. OH it is going way too fast! What better highlight in marriage, than watching the babies you made together grow? Um...nothing.


Over the years he has given me so many things I didn't deserve, trips and hugely expensive presents that he had saved for months for. Fancy steak dinners at Mortons or surprise overnights at our wedding night hotel, and of course the 2nd trip to St. Thomas. I don't think there has been a single anniversary that he didn't completely blow me away. Oh I forgot to mention the one with a tiny blue box and white ribbon with TIFFANY DIAMOND EARRINGS! Oh yeah...he is that amazing. Even more than all of that, the best gift he has ever given to me is his faithfulness and love. We have been through a lot. A. L. O. T. over our 11 year marriage. I love that I still get love notes left for me in the bathroom randomly and thoughtful gifts of things he heard me mention months before (he does listen!) One of my most treasured gifts, a love note he wrote to me and framed. Or maybe it is the photo book he made for me with all three of my boys inside and sweet sayings fill the page. Or maybe it is the large photo canvas he gave to me of my pregnant belly with my Asher. Then there was the NYC trip, (a trip we have discussed for years) that he planned as a surprise with our amazing friends and handmade a card with clues as our Mothers Day gift.

Hubs is an excellent at fulfilling my love of surprises, gifts and affirmation. God truly knew the kind of man I would need to get through this life and I am ever so grateful that he created him just for me.

Eleven years, it's been a flash in one sense and in another I feel like we have been joined for a lifetime. Hubby, I love you with all of my heart and I am thankful for each and every day I have spent with you by my side. Happy Anniversary!