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1. Give more.
Hubby and I are always trying to give financially as much as the Medical School budget allows, but I want to be more giving of my time.
2. Control less.
You may not realize this, but I am a bit of a control freak. Moon Sand and I can't be friends because of the mess anxiety it brings. '12 is going to be the year of the relaxed Mommy. We will paint more, and stress less.
3. Appreciate daily.
I have a great Hubby. I've bragged on him a lot in this blog, and even that doesn't do him justice. We spent November apart due to his school rotation and in that time I realized just how good I've got it. I knew it before, but when you are left with 2 kids who are the sickest they have been in life and for the entire travel month, you see your spouse and partner in a new light. You will also ugly cry when he walks in the door for a good hour. I am super good at doing special things for my kids, and now it is Hubby's turn.
4. Stop procrastinating.
I'm an organized control freak, with a family calendar, a kid calendar and alarms for everything, yet there are a few tasks that no matter what I do to make them organized and easy, I can't seem to stop procrastinating them.
5. Clean my room.
Truth time. If you came in my house right now, you would see a clean house with an immaculate boys room with a closet so perfectly straight, my boys are scared to get dressed in the morning. The playroom is organized and lovely and everything has a place. Then there is my Master. I don't know why, but I have a hard time keeping this space organized. It makes no sense really. If I can keep a 6 & 3 year olds closet perfect, you would think I could keep my own. Either way, I think #4 has something to do with this one.
6. Become a better teacher.
I don't homeschool, but Izzy does take piano and we have daily homework. I want my kids to enjoy and look forward to these tasks that otherwise might not be viewed as fun, and that starts with me. Time to get creative. Also, see #2.
7. Take care of Me.
This is vague and general, but there are some things I learned about myself in '11, on an emotional/relational level that I didn't like. This year I want to be better about boundaries for myself and trusting in rest. I also want to improve my overall health and fitness. I recently, overhauled my skin care regimen, thanks to my friend KW, the knower of all things Sephora. My skin was showing my stress level and let's face it, it's time to start the prevention track. As weird as it sounds, in '12 I need to be a little more selfish.
8. Practice patience.
I am a horrible example of patience to my children. Awful. My brain works in list form and it is difficult for me to sloooooooooooow down. I hate slow things, and being late. Well, slow things minus the crock pot. I love that thing.
I was going to think of 12 things, but it's midnight and my brain is tired so 8 it is. This is me creating a boundary for myself and taking care of me. Look at that.
Ashers
Quote of the Day: I asked Izzy to do something and he gave me a revised
plan of what he thought he should do first. Before I could correct him
Ash said, "Bobo, obey your parents, children, in all the single times.
Washions 3:20"
Today was a day I always knew would come and I always prayed for wisdom for when it did. During breakfast, Izzy asked (out of nowhere might I add) "Momma, tell me about the day Judah died. I know he died, but you never told me what happened that day. I want to know everything."
That is one heavy way to start the day. I took a deep breath and asked for the right words and then it just flowed out. Much different, than I had always imagined, but in a way that he understood. I didn't cover up the hard facts, I told him the truth. I told him how I birthed Judah and how the nurses gave him to us right away. We held, loved and kissed him for hours. I changed his clothes and prayed over him. After a while, Daddy was holding him and he slowed his breathing and we knew it was time. Shortly after, he took his last breath and he went to heaven. I was about to go on and tell him a few more details, when I looked up to see his eyes begin to fill with tears. I stopped, and took another deep breath before asking if something was wrong? He wiped his face and then said softly, "I'm okay, but it is just that I am so glad I have pictures of him. I would be so sad if I didn't have pictures. *long pause for thinking* Momma, it just makes me so sad. Like, so sad. It just isn't fair I only get to have my one brother. I am 'posed to have more."
Yep, that is how my morning started. Rip my heart out! It was really difficult for me to keep it together, especially since I am in the midst of reading "I Will Carry You" and all of those feelings are just at the tip of my throat ready to explode out. When I looked at his sweet little face and teary eyes, I knew he just needed some time to grieve on his own, without me taking any attention away with my own feelings. Hard, but necessary.
When Izzy was a baby, I used to think about these days and how I would have the strength to relay Judah's story. What I didn't imagine, is just how often Izzy asks about the brother that he was never able to meet. Easily, he talks about him 4 or 5 times a week. To some, this might bother them, but to me, it is a sweet relief that my precious one is not forgotten and my boys hold him in their heart just as I do.
Never one to shy away about hearing about his self, he asked for his birth story. That is another emotional story for me to tell, and as I looked in his eyes it was nearly impossible to not sob my way through it. I have told him since he was a baby just how special he is and how God sent him as a very special early gift for me and Daddy. He knows the story, but he wanted the details. What did the nurses do? Why did they keep me so long at the hospital? Why didn't he get to go home right away? Then when I was able to tell him, how I visited him in the NICU, three times a day, every single day for three weeks and I would rock him and talk to him and feed him, he burst into a bright beam of light. He absolutely loved the thought of just him and I, rocking away with no distractions. Then he told me, "Momma, I didn't ever want to tell you this before, but that hospital was scary. I didn't like waiting on you. There was lots of beeping and noises and the other babies were too loud. They cried all of the time and I just wanted you to come back and get me. The nurses made it dark and I didn't like being there even though they were very nice to me." I didn't know quite what to say! I don't believe I have ever talked about all the machines and the beeping and the other babies....who knows. Either way, the look on his face when hearing his story was priceless. I think I will have to write a little book for him so he can read it over and over.
Of course, he couldn't leave out our little Lovey. I told him how Asher's was the easiest of all because he was absolutely healthy. There was only one scary thing, and that was that he had a large bump on his head and we had to wait to take him to a specialist. Turns out, it was just his position and everything was fine. You can still feel the bump (although it is much smaller), but he has so much hair you can't see it. :) He laughed at first, and then he got teary again!! When I asked what these tears were about he said, "It's just that Ashey was just so cute. He had the littlest hands and his face was so soft. I just miss him like that." Me too, buddy!
Every once and a while, it is wonderful to retell your kids their story. It made Izzy beam to hear all about how much he was wanted and loved and it made me think back to those moments where I was living literally second to second and so appreciative of it all. Today when I was out with my boys and their friends, I watched as they played like big boys and I silently thanked God for answered prayers. Today started out a little emotional, but I am so grateful for Izzy's questions. It helped to refocus me and remind me just how much I have to be thankful for and that is always a great mindset to start your day.
Izzy's Quote of the Day: After telling him his story, (crying) he says, "Momma, I just want you to know you are just the best. You are always making me the best snacks, you are a good cooker and you always make us have fun every day. I am just so glad I got you. And thanks for taking good care of me in the hospital when I was too early. You are just...*dramatic pause* too good for me because you love me even when I am naughty. You just love me no matter what."
Asher's Quote of the Day: While tapping my watch he says, "Momma, you know time is? It's time for kisses!!!" (Followed by tons of hugs and kisses)
If you couldn't tell, I've had a pretty terrific day. :) Love my boys!
Today I was listening to Asher speak and I realized I hadn't posted an update on my lovey in a while.
My quiet little thinker, while still quiet is actually speaking really well now. He was a late bloomer in the language department, but now he rarely stops talking at home. :)
When Izzy was this age, he spoke like a little Italian Mario. "Izzy no lika dis.", "whya you'a do dat?" Asher doesn't have a funny little accent, but he does like to shorten all of his words. He calls a pocket- "pock", jacket "jack", blanket "blank", and so on. But then on something he loves VERY much he adds a word. He has this pair of slip on shoes that have a flap like soccer shoes and a big G for Gap on the front. When he wants to put shoes on he never asks for shoes, he always says "I need soccah shoes!" Oh, now that I think about it he kind of does have an accent. It is like a Boston accent...everything ends in a "ah" sound. It is cute.
He has been saying one phrase a lot lately, "Bobo did it." If you watch him destroy his room and Izzy just happens to be at school and we are the only two home, and I say "Ash, who made this mess?" He will say, "Bobo did it." If you wait long enough and don't make any sudden movements or facial expressions, he will get a huge grin and then say, "Sorry Mommy."
Asher is a creature of habit. He likes his schedule, he likes to do the same thing each and every day and he will tell you on the dot when it is nap/bedtime. Every morning, when I wake him up the first thing out of his mouth is "I hungy. Ashey eat wawalls (waffles) and milk." He doesn't stray from this breakfast routine and then he asks for "I need show Mommy.....Max&Ruby." After he cleans up his mess, (yay for training!) he always runs and reads books, or plays trains or finds a big dump truck and sits in front of the front door in the sunshine and plays quietly. I am telling you, he is the easiest little kid you could ask for! This last week was crazy busy and I think he is needing some extra loving because the last two days he has been coming up to me and saying "Mama, Ashey needs hugkiss." And heartmelt.
He got his nickname for a reason. His love language is definitely physical touch.
He is still very, very shy and groups of people give him extreme anxiety. I think in this next year, he will start coming out of it, hopefully. He won't try anything new if there are other people involved (ie: moon bounce, park). Much like his older brother at this age, he thinks we can wait until the park is completely cleared out for him to try the slide. :/
My little man is super smart and knows all of his letters by sight, colors and shapes. We have also been drawing and practicing drawing circles. The one thing he refuses to do is sing the "ABC" song. He knows the letters, but won't even try to sing it. If there is anything I know about Asher, is he won't do anything until he is ready. So who knows when that will be. He does love to sing, his faves are Wheels on the Bus, Row Row Row your boat, If your happy and you know it and O Praise him. It isn't that he is too shy to sing, or that he can't remember the words...he just knows that is the song I want him to sing. Stinker. Lately, he has been writing his own songs and maybe it is the Mom in me, but he has a great little voice! Today we went shopping and while we were out he asked Daddy a question and he replied, "Hold on a minute." Logically the next step is to turn that into a song! Asher serenaded all of the checkout lanes with a little tune singing "You hold a minute...hold a minute, you hold a minuuuuuuute."
Something else I am waiting on my little stubborn bull for, potty training. Blame Mommy for delaying his interest, but he wanted to potty all of the time during the holidays. I was so busy that I would practice with him a couple of times a day each day, but didn't push more than that. Now that I want him to potty train he says, "Ashey not do dat! Potty is too cold for me. No way." Hrmph! Waiting patiently on that one.
I am going to start keeping track of Ashers Quote of the Day here as well, because lately we have had a lot of them.
Today he saw a 1/2 circle kite flying and yelled, "Mama! Look at dat, oh no! Da Moon fell down out da sky!"
While taking a bath with Izzy, he busted up laughing at something Izzy did and then looked at me and said, "Mama, Bobo so funny...and then stopped laughing and turned serious and said, but you not."
At least once a day when I ask what he would like for breakfast/lunch/dinner he responds with "Cake." When I say, "Nice try." He responds with, "YESSSSSS Cake, nice try Mama!"
If I say "How much do you love me?" He says (every single time) "Ummmmm 6." When I look sad, he then says, "Okay okay okay....8."
I'm sure there is a million things I have forgotten, but I can save them for next time. I plan on video taping him talking this week, but my luck with loading videos to blogger has pretty much been none. So many cute videos...no where to load them. You will just have to imagine the cuteness.
Happy Monday to all!
