Shhhhh!

Izzy loves school. He loves his friends, his teacher, and doesn't even mind the work. In fact, he read me his very first story today. I almost cried. (It doesn't take much...)

There is one problem, he loves it so much he can't seem to keep quiet. My once super shy and timid little guy is now talking like he is Regis and his job depends on it. Now I understand, he is probably not just sitting at a table talking to himself...there are other kids talking with him, it does bother me that he isn't using self control. I wasn't really expecting this from Izzy, so I am kind of unsure of the best way to handle it. We have a chart system that he can earn rewards from and if he has a great day at school or shows kindness and something extraordinary he gets to move it. Yesterday he wasn't able to move his chart because he got in trouble for talking too much and then not understanding the directions the teacher had given. WELCOME TO MY LIFE.

I have never had so much understanding on an issue as this. My sweet husband is so many many wonderful things, but one horrible, terrible bad habit he has is his 1/2 listening. Oh. My. Word....it is ridiculous. I know he isn't doing it intentionally, and he knows it's a problem and hates when he does it, but it is just that, a bad habit. In fact all of the guys in his family have a problem. Seems it's genetic.

Example: (Feel free to laugh at our ridiculousness)

Hubby's birthday was this weekend and we had a blast and he was spoiled by family and our wonderful friends. As we were cleaning up after this weekends festivities, I say, "Wow, you sure got spoiled this year!"
Hubby: *washing dishes* "Huh?"
Me: *repeats*
Hubby: "I'm not understanding what you are saying?"
Me: "You don't understand English?"
Hubby: "It doesn't make sense....what you said....I'm confused."
Me: "No, it makes sense, it is English. You would understand if you listened."
This convo goes back and forth for at least 10 ridiculous minutes and ends in us both laughing at his atrocious listening skills.

This is my entire married life and now my entire parenting life. "Huh?" "What?" "When did you tell me that?" "What did you need me to do?"

I'm quite certain I am not the only wife who has a half listening Hubby, and lucky for him he is so great in everything else it helps to make up for it. My issue, is that it is a bad habit that is spreading like wildfire to our children.

My solution after Izzy's rough Monday? He is to repeat any direction we give him out loud and then complete the direction. Of course he can't do this at school, because he would get in trouble for talking again. :) So I explained, that he needs to listen, repeat the direction in his head and then complete it. He tends to want to double check everything before doing it, and I am sure with a classroom of students she doesn't have the time or patience to repeat that many times. He lost some privileges at home until his teacher lets me know he is making better efforts at self control during his day. This is a tough lesson, but it will really pay off for the rest of his life if he can learn it now. His future wife will thank me. Listening is such a vital instrument in all relationships and I hope I can teach him to have good listening habits from now on.

I am taking any and all suggestions on how to combat a little talker and his no good, very bad listening skills.

Side Note:
**I can write about these things because I have a blog. My Hubby doesn't, so you can go ahead thinking I'm perfect.

First Day Success!

The Big Day is Finally Here!!!

Izzy was up and waiting...

We got dressed then enjoyed our special pancakes!

Asher wanted a pic with Izzy before school.

Someone was super excited!

In front of school... (side note: Is Ash a hot mess or what? :)

Asher hijacked Izzy's friend Ella..

Izzy found his seat and was excited to start!

Sweet Ella, Asher and Izzy

Then it was time to say goodbye. Asher started to get sad and said, "I gonna miss you Bobo...you my best friend." Then Mommy shed some tears. They hugged, kissed and hugged again. So sweet.

Asher and I spent the day catching up on stuff and spending some quality time together. Every 5 minutes I heard, "Bobo be right back, Mommy? He be right back. I miss him. He be right back? Yeah, he be right back." He would ask and answer his own questions over and over again and then sulk. It was the saddest thing ever.

I was able to put a smile back on his face when it was finally time to pick Izzy up. I was greeted with a GIANT hug and kiss. His teacher said he had a wonderful day and he said, "It was Perfect!" He loves his teacher, his friends and school. In fact, when he got home he said," I don't want to think about home school anymore because I love school. I don't want to stay home with you anymore...I want to go to school every single day....even weekends!" Okay, lets not go overboard, Mister!

Tough Questions. Sweet Answers.

Today was a day I always knew would come and I always prayed for wisdom for when it did. During breakfast, Izzy asked (out of nowhere might I add) "Momma, tell me about the day Judah died. I know he died, but you never told me what happened that day. I want to know everything."

That is one heavy way to start the day. I took a deep breath and asked for the right words and then it just flowed out. Much different, than I had always imagined, but in a way that he understood. I didn't cover up the hard facts, I told him the truth. I told him how I birthed Judah and how the nurses gave him to us right away. We held, loved and kissed him for hours. I changed his clothes and prayed over him. After a while, Daddy was holding him and he slowed his breathing and we knew it was time. Shortly after, he took his last breath and he went to heaven. I was about to go on and tell him a few more details, when I looked up to see his eyes begin to fill with tears. I stopped, and took another deep breath before asking if something was wrong? He wiped his face and then said softly, "I'm okay, but it is just that I am so glad I have pictures of him. I would be so sad if I didn't have pictures. *long pause for thinking* Momma, it just makes me so sad. Like, so sad. It just isn't fair I only get to have my one brother. I am 'posed to have more."

Yep, that is how my morning started. Rip my heart out! It was really difficult for me to keep it together, especially since I am in the midst of reading "I Will Carry You" and all of those feelings are just at the tip of my throat ready to explode out. When I looked at his sweet little face and teary eyes, I knew he just needed some time to grieve on his own, without me taking any attention away with my own feelings. Hard, but necessary.

When Izzy was a baby, I used to think about these days and how I would have the strength to relay Judah's story. What I didn't imagine, is just how often Izzy asks about the brother that he was never able to meet. Easily, he talks about him 4 or 5 times a week. To some, this might bother them, but to me, it is a sweet relief that my precious one is not forgotten and my boys hold him in their heart just as I do.

Never one to shy away about hearing about his self, he asked for his birth story. That is another emotional story for me to tell, and as I looked in his eyes it was nearly impossible to not sob my way through it. I have told him since he was a baby just how special he is and how God sent him as a very special early gift for me and Daddy. He knows the story, but he wanted the details. What did the nurses do? Why did they keep me so long at the hospital? Why didn't he get to go home right away? Then when I was able to tell him, how I visited him in the NICU, three times a day, every single day for three weeks and I would rock him and talk to him and feed him, he burst into a bright beam of light. He absolutely loved the thought of just him and I, rocking away with no distractions. Then he told me, "Momma, I didn't ever want to tell you this before, but that hospital was scary. I didn't like waiting on you. There was lots of beeping and noises and the other babies were too loud. They cried all of the time and I just wanted you to come back and get me. The nurses made it dark and I didn't like being there even though they were very nice to me." I didn't know quite what to say! I don't believe I have ever talked about all the machines and the beeping and the other babies....who knows. Either way, the look on his face when hearing his story was priceless. I think I will have to write a little book for him so he can read it over and over.

Of course, he couldn't leave out our little Lovey. I told him how Asher's was the easiest of all because he was absolutely healthy. There was only one scary thing, and that was that he had a large bump on his head and we had to wait to take him to a specialist. Turns out, it was just his position and everything was fine. You can still feel the bump (although it is much smaller), but he has so much hair you can't see it. :) He laughed at first, and then he got teary again!! When I asked what these tears were about he said, "It's just that Ashey was just so cute. He had the littlest hands and his face was so soft. I just miss him like that." Me too, buddy!

Every once and a while, it is wonderful to retell your kids their story. It made Izzy beam to hear all about how much he was wanted and loved and it made me think back to those moments where I was living literally second to second and so appreciative of it all. Today when I was out with my boys and their friends, I watched as they played like big boys and I silently thanked God for answered prayers. Today started out a little emotional, but I am so grateful for Izzy's questions. It helped to refocus me and remind me just how much I have to be thankful for and that is always a great mindset to start your day.

Izzy's Quote of the Day: After telling him his story, (crying) he says, "Momma, I just want you to know you are just the best. You are always making me the best snacks, you are a good cooker and you always make us have fun every day. I am just so glad I got you. And thanks for taking good care of me in the hospital when I was too early. You are just...*dramatic pause* too good for me because you love me even when I am naughty. You just love me no matter what."

Asher's Quote of the Day: While tapping my watch he says, "Momma, you know time is? It's time for kisses!!!" (Followed by tons of hugs and kisses)

If you couldn't tell, I've had a pretty terrific day. :) Love my boys!

Date Night!

My sweet boy is now 6 years old and with all of the growing up he has been doing, he has taken on new responsibilities. One of these, is piano lessons. Starting last week, he has to practice, at least, two times a day. Big responsibility for a little guy once you add in school and sports. He is doing amazing and shockingly, practicing on his own first thing in the morning and again in the afternoon, withOUT being asked! I know I am being a little braggy and presumptuous, but I think he is going to blow us away some day with his skills. My Dad plays by ear, and like I've said before, not just a few things, but literally he hears a song once and he can play it exactly. I am praying my Bobo has that talent, and after his lesson today I am starting to see a few signs he has the "ear". I think my biggest challenge is going to be that he does something once, memorizes it and then doesn't want to read out of the practice books. Stinker. Anywho, I say all of that to say, Bobo deserved a date night with Mommy for all of his hard work, and just for being his sweet self.

After his lesson today, he got a hair cut and then we were off for dinner. I told him he could pick any place, his choice, and he said, "Hmmmm. There are a lot of places I like....but, I am going to pick Arby's. You know why Momma? Because I know that is your favorite and I like to make you happy." You are starting to get it right? I mean the kid is just too gooey sweet. We talked over dinner and he shared his excitements and fears of First Grade. That conversation almost left me in tears. I remember that anxiety of the unknown, and I wish I could make him feel all better about it.

Izzy is a thinker. He loves to ask questions and he has come up with a game he calls the "Question Game", which involves him asking very big, difficult questions and I have to give an answer-even if it is just a complete and wild guess. We go back and forth and laugh at our answers.

Question Game from tonight's date:

Iz- "Momma, why do we have to grow up?"
Me-"Well, God designed us that way. Our bodies grow and age daily and there isn't anything we can do to stop it."
Iz- "Good answer...I'll take it."

Iz- "Momma, why do we exercise?"
Me- "God made our bodies with muscles. If you work out and eat healthy, your muscles will grow and you will become strong. If you don't, your muscles stay small and you will be weak."
Iz- "Yeah, you are right! I think you have been reading."

Me- "Izzy, why do we have belly buttons?"
Iz- "Okay, this is a hard one. Well, I have thought about it a long time, and so this is the truth. *picture the next part with lots of hand movements, finger pointing, and serious eyes* Your belly button is connected. It circle-lates (circulates) all the way through our body to our blue vines (veins), which go way up to our chambers in our neck. This is how we can breathe. It is all because of our belly button. It's a true answer, Momma."

Me- "What did you dream about?"
Iz- "I dream about you every night! I think about the fun we have and then I dream about fun things I want to do the next day. I also pray for you in my dreams."
*Cue Tears.*

Oh, he makes me laugh! Izzy loves to talk and that is really all he wants to do on our dates. He doesn't really care what we do, he just wants to be able to talk the whole time. After dinner, we spent some time at a park, shopped at Target where we found a new game to play and spent the rest of the night laughing and playing.

As Izzy and I spent quality time together, I reflected back to those moments in the NICU, when his life was so fragile and then, I looked at him tonight, and his 6 years flashed before me.

Seriously, this was like 5 seconds ago when he was 2.

FLASH!

And now...

SIX years of non-stop joy, laughter and blessing to my soul. These six years have literally been a flash, and I want to make as many memories as possible this year so he has lots and lots to dream about.

Life is short, make lots of happy memories!

Kindergarten

Tomorrow is Izzy's last day of Kindergarten.

*breathing deeply and wiping tears*

Where did this year go? My baby is about to turn 6 years old and as of tomorrow officially be a first grader or as Izzy told his friend the other day, "I'm gonna be in Oneth grade!"

It feels like I have only blinked a couple of times since the day I took a picture of him on the front porch after eating his K pancake and here we are, the year complete and what seems like 5 feet taller and so much more mature and responsible, I can hardly take it.

Let me tell you a bit about how much he has grown this year.

An easy judge is he started the year in a size 4/5 and ended in a 7/8 (leaning more to the 8) and size 3 shoe. Oh. My.

I can no longer spell words to keep conversations private.

He knows way more about Science than I do. He often tells me facts that I have to later google to make sure he is correct. He always is.

He wakes up at THE CRACK OF DAWN and if you need an exact time it is anywhere between 5:30-6:30. He wakes, dresses himself, then plays or reads quietly until he hears movement around the house (2 hours later!) and then makes his own breakfast while Mommy groggily applauds his responsible efforts.

He is a huge help around the house. He can sweep floors, take out trash, load the dishwasher, clean his room, carry full laundry baskets and help unload groceries! In fact, yesterday he vacuumed out my car and cleaned the interior for me! Of course, he is always rewarded for all of his hard work.

Neighborhood boys are now knocking on the door daily to play with Izzy and when I say daily, I really mean minutely. (yes, I know minutely isn't a word, but that is how frazzled the sound of the door bell makes me!) One ring boys!!

Last year at this time, I could cuddle Izzy up on my lap and read a book or snuggle in to watch a movie. I can no longer pick him up and if I cuddle him on my lap about 3 feet of legs are left dangling. When he slips on my flip flops to play, I'm sad to see he doesn't have that much to grow into them. My little boy isn't so little on the outside.

He loves to read street signs now, and especially loves to inform me when he feels I am going just a little bit over the speed limit and that I need to obey all of the rules. Of course I never speed, but to Izzy 40 is 40..not 41.

He can make friends in an instant which is a far cry from my shy little one at the beginning of the year. He may not remember their name at the end of the day, nevertheless, they are his new best friends.

His handwriting has improved greatly and I can now read and understand his stories. Reading his daily journal has become my favorite part of the day.

Even with all of this improvement and growth Izzy has decided he still doesn't want to grow up. My almost 6 year old doesn't want to turn 6. He doesn't want to move to the big kid class at church, he doesn't want to go to the First grade he just wants to stay little. OH how I wish I could let him!

When I put my Kindergartner to bed tonight, he started sobbing and said, "Why did I have to do such great hard work this year? I shouldn't have done such great jobs so Mrs. C could make me do Kindergarten all over again. I am going to miss her so bad! WHY do I have to be so smart?" I was so thankful for the laugh, because I really just wanted to join his sobbing party. My baby is growing up way too quickly and there is nothing either one of us can do about it. Starting tomorrow, we are going to take full advantage of every single day of summer. I have a feeling that spending summer days with Mommy won't last much longer and he will be answering those knocks at the door instead.

I may need a delivery of chocolate and kleenex tomorrow if you love me. *more tears*

Performance Review

When I used to work at a large financial firm, I received quarterly performance reviews. I would sit through a long meeting while following along as they read my "points" good and bad. I would sign off and vow to improve in my areas of lack. (eyeroll)

Tonight, Israel and I did our normal routine, except tonight after devotions I felt urged to stick around and just let him talk for a while. I listened as he shared about his day, his friends at school, school rumors, injuries dating way back to summer (sidenote: what is it with boys? they remember every single injury), our relationships with God, forgiveness, my day and our plans in the next week.

Finally after all of that I asked, "Israel, what kind of Mommy do you think I am? What things do I need to work harder on and what things do you love that I do?

"Well, you are a really good Mom, but you could be a (fingers pinched close together) little better. Like you could try to make more good food. Like good quesadillas and tonight you made good hot cocoa, but I like mine a little hotter and you could've put a little more marshmallows in it."

Me- "Hmmm. I can work on that for sure. What else and you can tell me anything."

"You are always hurrying. Hurry Hurry Hurry Hurry Hurry. We gotta go and we gotta do this fast and I am over it! I think you need to work on not hurrying all the time. Slow down and play."

Me- "Wow, that is totally valid. I promise I will work harder on that."

"But don't worry, because I think you are good. You always do lots of stuff for me that makes my heart feel good like surprise parties and surprises in my lunch. You play fun things with us and you put that snow in the bath tub, I really liked that."

He gave everyone reviews; Grandma, Papa, Asher, Daddy and it was so interesting to get his take on their relationship.

For Papa, he said, "He is a good Papa, he is perfect he doesn't need to work on ANYTHING!"

But for Grandma he said, "She needs to get my drinks faster...sometimes she says she will get one and then she forgets."

"He thought Daddy is a good Daddy and he just needed to work on being patient and he gave him lots of credit for things he thought Daddy did for him but really I did. :) I let him think it anyway. He had lots of good things to say about Daddy like that he is a really hard worker and that he loves to play with Daddy. He thinks that Daddy is really good about making time for him even though he has lots of homework and even said, "that makes me feel really good that he stops to play with me every single night."

Ashers review was a little more critical....of course. He said, "Asher needs to work on not being a baby he needs to grow up a little. He needs to not throw his dirty socks on me when I am playing PSP and make me lose-ed my game! So rude. He needs to not make a mess in my room and then not clean it up. But, really he is the best brother. He is so nice and tonight we played in my room and he leaned over and kissed me 4 times and I thought that was really nice. He is my best friend, but he still needs to work harder. He has a lot of bettering to do."

Tonight, Izzy and I talked for 90 minutes before bed. It was truly one of the most interesting conversations I have had in a long time. This conversation really hit home with me tonight because everything he mentioned is really right on. I am organized and schedule and NEVER EVER late. While trying to teach my boys the importance of a work ethic and time management, obviously, being relaxed and enjoying the ride to whatever we are doing isn't always on my mind. It is my intention, but my personality sometimes cloudies it. After hearing my performance review today, I will not just sign off and dismiss it like I used to at my old job. We promised each other that we would work harder for each other and do better work.
I am hoping very soon to get a perfect performance review like Papa did, hopefully someday!

Ask your kids for a performace review, you might be surprised at their response. :)

Snow Day #2/ Business Edition

I had an idea of playing office after dinner tonight. Israel took my idea and said, "I want to do that, but I want to make a real business. So here are the pictures of his Grand Opening. He is a natural!

He came up with the name and logo on his own.

He got himself dressed up like a business professional.

Israel's Badge

This is the shop he set up in his bedroom. He had customers waiting for him to open up, but he wanted everything to be just right.


He even had business cards made.

Every serious professional needs a briefcase.

Papa was his first customer and he was an easy sell.


He was making money left and right! Customers were coming in like crazy and he was selling out of inventory quickly!

Daddy heard about the new shop and decided to check it out for himself. He found the perfect snowboard and was hoping he could get a student discount. They were negotiating the deal for a while. They finally settled on a deal for a piece of dubble bubble gum for the snowboard. Being a good businessman, he is writing Daddy a receipt.


Business is Booming!
Papa came in for another item and handed him a $100 bill, Izzy almost fainted. Then when Papa tried to take it back, the bill almost didn't make it. :) He didn't get to keep the 100, but he did make a good amount of money for his first day in his new business! I had to tell Izzy to close up shop for the night and get ready for bed. He said, "Oh good, because owning your own business is exhausting and all of this hard work made me sweaty! BUT I'M RIIIIIICCCCHHHH!"

The big K

Today I bought a lunchbox for Izzy. I almost wept in the aisle at Target. The lunchbox was my emotional wall. Buying that one item, let me know this is fo' real. All day school for the rest of his time in my house. Mommy is devastated. In the same day as the lunchbox purchase, I took his enrollment forms, school supplies and had a meeting with his teacher. Luckily, I have a saving grace. Izzy's sweet Preschool teacher Mrs. C has been moved into a new Kindergarten position and she requested him in her class. That tidbit of info did help to slow my hyperventalational breathing a tad. It helped even more to hear, she picked all of the "friends" he got along really well with, and put the others in a different class. During the meeting, Izzy picked out his cubby, he went with yellow. Sunny...I like it. He wrote his name on his own notebooks and his folder. That almost brought a tear too. Just last year, I was writing everything for him. Then my OCD almost kicked in and I almost stole the Sharpie out of his hand so that it would be written in the correct spot. Then he upped it, by putting his A backwards. Self-control, I tell ya. Overall, I think he is going to have a fantastic Kindergarten experience. I also think, after a week, I am going to pull myself together and deal with this new phase of life. One which includes a much quieter day spending some quality time with my Lovey. I do have a small worry for Lovey, I am scared his heart might just break as much as mine with Izzy gone all day. Last week, Asher had to be quarantined due to an eye infection and they didn't play together for several days. When they got the thumbs up from me to play again, it was like a scene from a movie, where two people run through a field of wild flowers in slow motion, hair flowing in the wind and giant smiles on their faces. I have never seen two happier boys and so many hugs. Brightside is maybe I will just get to relive that scene everyday around 3:30 when Izzy gets out of school.

Yesterday, we were walking through a water park and he picked up my hand and kissed it, and said, "Mama, I love you so much. I am going to stay little for you like you want because I want you to be happy." If only that were possible... but I so appreciate his loving gestures!

Three more days of Summer with my sweet boy. I intend to squeeze every second of it I can.

And yet another update

Last one..promise.

Izzy's Dr. called today and requested I bring him in at 11:30 this morning to finally get his 5 year shots. I was so relieved to finally get this over with, I can't even tell you. 11:27-We arrive. 12:38-They call us back. WHAT? Finally at almost 1:00 the Dr. and nurse came with the dreaded shots. I hadn't told him for sure that he would get shots, just told him it was a possibility. Seconds before they walked in I spilled my guts like I was getting interrogated under a hot lamp. He was devastated. I was heartbroken. But, I know my son well enough to know, that he wouldn't have slept, he would have worried for an entire day and thought of every worst case scenario (hmmm...who does he sound like?) and worked himself into a tizzy. He sat on my lap, held my hands and I told him to look away. Except he refused. He saw the needle and took a huge breath. Then she stuck him and he flinched...and did pretty good until she released the needle and blood went everywhere. Don't think that was in the plan. That was the moment that Izzy went into a partial hyperventilation mode, exclaiming "I'm bledding. I'm bledding." The Dr. and nurse just watch the blood drip off of his leg and the more blood, the more erratic Izzy's breathing got, and I started to worry he would pass out. Finally, they covered his leg and just when he thought it was all over, she pulls out the second needle and then the third. By the end, the nurse had her hands over her mouth and her eyes were watery. When the Doctor said she was all done and he had done a great job, Izzy said, "Thanks for my shots, and I promise I will feel better in just a minute." They went on and on about how handsome and sweet he is and offered him the best brand new book they had in stock and as much candy as he wanted. He came back in the room with a new book and one piece of candy. The nurse was amazed! She said, "I told him as much as you want and he just grabbed one! I love this boy." I've trained him well. Only one piece of candy at a time and he was thrilled to have that. When we were leaving he told the girls thank you again and then said, "I have to tell you, I want you to make it where I don't have anymore birthdays. I don't even care about the birthday parties. I don't want to have them because they make you grow numbers and when you do that you have to get shots and I don't want to leave my family ever. I want to stay home all of the time because I love them. Also I don't want anymore shots please." I swear I thought the Dr. was going to give him the giant bag of candy right there. He is such a sweetheart. The Doctor asked if he could come back and see her soon and he said, "Sorry, but I think I am good for lots of years." I sure hope so because that totally ripped my heart out.
After the appointment, I took him for a Happy Meal and then home to rest. He did great until we went out to dinner as a family and all of the sudden he started getting a little weepy and said his leg was sore and he was tired. Shots + no nap=A very tired 5 year old. All of the extra love didn't stop there. Papa heard he got shots, and bought him a blue Icee to help with the pain. :) I overheard Izzy rehashing his day and this is the convo:

"Papa, I got shots today. Lots of them and they stuck me in my knees. They were long needles and just just stuck them in my knees can you believe it? Now I have holes in my legs! Then that bled came out like crazy and I felt so bad for my Mom. I think my Moms heart broke a little. She cried and I cried lots. Shots are so horrible Papa. HORRIBLE!"

If you know Izzy at all, you know he will be milking this day for at least a week. He asked me to carry him to bed because "Remember Mom, I have holes in my legs now."

Glad to have this traumatic event over with, but now that it is over, I know that school is just a couple of weeks away which is going to be even more traumatic for Mommy. Pray for me. I am going to need it.

Letter to Izzy

My sweet Israel-

Today you turned 5 years old! It is so hard to explain what an achievement that is, since you came into the world the way you did-two months early. After losing your brother, it was a very scary time, but Daddy and I were determined to stay positive and be thankful for every breath. You were a fighter and let people know when you had been pushed too far, but the rest of the time, you were quiet and sweet. Not much has changed. You are sweet as sugar and could double as a motivational speaker. You are always positive. If something doesn't work for you, you say something like "That's okay, I won't cry or get mad. I will just keep trying and put a smile on my face." Speaking of your smile, it lights up a room. You have turned into a little social butterfly who loves everyone and within an instant gets everyone to love you right back. You are charming, witty, sweet and thoughtful. You shower me with compliments everyday. I have no excuse for low self-esteem with you around.
Izzy, you are the best big brother. You have never once hit your brother or hurt him in anyway. You are protective and loving and try to show him the right way to do things. Sometimes you are like a little Daddy to Asher, you like to give him direction and he is always ready to follow. You and Asher love to crawl into bed together and pretend to take a nap.
You love to do anything if you have a buddy. Swimming, biking, walking, gardening, playing, reading...literally anything if you get to have someones company. You love to talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk. The questions never end, sometimes it is a lot, but you just love to understand everything. You remind me a lot of Papa. He hasn't met a stranger and you are very much the same. If you get a hair cut by someone new, by the end of the cut, you are best friends and they know everything about you.
You amaze us daily with how smart you are and how quickly you can pick up anything. Sports, computers, games, music, everything seems to come easily to you.

Last night, I interviewed you for the last time as a four-year-old and these are some of your answers:

What do you think you will be when you grow up?
-I'm not going to grow up anymore. I am going to stay 5 forever because I don't never want to leave you. Never. I like being little.

What is your favorite color?
- It used to be blue, but now it is grey because I just like it. I think it is cooler and better.

Who is your best friend?
- Hmmmm... J,T,L are my best friends because they are my cousins. But I have lots of best friends.

What is your favorite thing to do?
-Swimming!

Do you like being a big brother?
-I love my brother. He is my best. I just love him so much because God made him for me.

Are you ready to go to Kindergarten?
-Somebody lied to me. I thought I didn't have anymore school when I was done with preschool!!!! (totally serious) Who would lie to me Mom? (Insert explanation of Summer) Someone lied to me. I don't want to go to school no more! I want to stay at home with my family all day because I love you guys.

Five years old. Mommy is so proud of you. You are such a good boy, and such a heart of obedience. I couldn't ask for anything better. This next year is going to be full of lots of changes, but I know you are going to do great at everything, this year and for the rest of your life. I know, because God made you special and you were meant to do big things. And when you are kind to people and always have a positive attitude, you can do anything.

Thank you for filling Mommy's heart with a joy I hadn't known before. Thank you for 5 years of smiles, laughs and a full heart. Mommy, Daddy and Asher love you so much!

Happy 5th Birthday Bobo! xoxoxoxo

Big Boy

Wednesday was a normal day. One small thing happened that made me realize, my little Izzy is growing up right before my eyes. Recently, he has refused all help while getting ready in the morning. He showers himself, dries off, and dresses himself. Every day he does it correctly, I move his pirate and it makes him so proud. Wednesday, he did his routine, but this time said, "Mommy, I am big now. I am going to dry my own hair and you don't help me at all!" He did it, he blew his hair dry and combed it. Of course, I am a complete control freak so I had to re-comb, but essentially, he is at the point of not even needing me in the morning. 4 years old. *sigh*

In the last two months, I have watched Izzy really change from a little preschooler to a big boy. He requires much less direction and I find myself not having to tell him what comes next. If I ask him to clean his room now, within just a few minutes, I walk into a perfectly cleaned room with every item in its correct place. The only help he needs is making his bed, which I gladly do for him. If I tell him we are going somewhere, there is no need for reminders for shoes and jackets, by the time I wrangle Asher he is already in his seat buckled and waiting patiently.

This whole growing up thing makes me so proud of Izzy because he seems so responsible for 4 years old. Yet, I still have that pang of heartache, that hits every time I see him accomplish something else without my help. We are inching closer and closer to complete independence.

I really appreciate Izzy so much. He is such an obedient, sweet boy. He sets an amazing example for Asher and I need to remember to praise him more for it. He has really made our lives so easy and full of love. It has been amazing having him home all week during Spring Break and I am really sad to see him go back to school. How is Mommy going to cope when my little guy is in full day Kindergarten next year? I don't think my heart can take it...

Littlest Miracle

Last night, when I should have been sleeping, I found myself instead watching 19 & Counting (The Duggar family). I haven't watched in quite a while, but during last nights episodes, I could not hold back the tears. Josie Duggar #19, was born at 25 weeks and weighed only 1lb 6oz. Now I can't imagine all that this family has been through, but I can relate. My little Izzy was born at 32 weeks and weighed only 4lb 4oz. As I watched Michelle Duggar, sit on the side, while the Doctors and Nurses performed various procedures on her tiny baby, my heart ached for her. It is absolutely the worst feeling, to watch a complete stranger handle the tiniest baby you have ever laid eyes on like a sack of potatoes. To put tubes and needles in and do procedures that cause your baby's oxygen levels to drop instantly and hear the beeping of 20 different machines as you sit helplessly hoping for the best. To come into check on your child, and not know what to expect that day. Every day is different and there are no guarantees. Having a premature baby is a constant roller coaster ride.


(Pic-Izzy 3 days old in the NICU)

Izzy had his share of difficulties to overcome, but overall he did well. He had a pneumothorax (collapsed lung) which needed to heal, jaundice, he had no suck reflex, and it takes a long time for a preemie to gain weight. All in all, when they thought he would be there 2 months or longer, he only stayed 3 weeks in the NICU. It was amazing. But watching that show, took me right back to those days. The constant calls, visits, worry and anxiety and feeling completely helpless. I watched Michelle cry and pray over her baby from the other end of the room, and I remember being in that same position, pleading with God to give him the strength to live.


(Pic-Mommy's first time holding Izzy. 4 days old.)


Earlier in the night, I had come across a photo album in my Dad's office. I flipped through the pictures and they were all of Izzy's first week. It is still hard for me to remember just how tiny and fragile he was those first months. I can't even explain the panic that I had the first night we brought him home. There were so many rules in the hospital, but when he is cleared to go home, they just hand him off and assume you know what to do. We figured it out quickly, but it was very difficult to sleep after getting used to machines telling you if you baby was breathing well or not.

God has given us so much to be thankful for in Izzy. He is not a petite size child like they feared at his beginning, he is just the opposite in fact. He has no blindness, hearing issues, lung issues, allergies..nothing. Perfectly healthy and very smart.

My heart goes out to the Duggars and any family, who has had a child prematurely. I really appreciate that they have continued taping during this difficult time. I know for me, it has helped me to remember how much I should really be thankful for and how different the outcome could have been.

Today, I think I am going to go snuggle my littlest miracle, show him his photo album and tell him his story. I want him to grow up appreciating life and all of the blessings and strength God has given him every single day.


(Pic-Izzy's first day home and first smile! 35 weeks and still 5 weeks before his due date)

A late Valentine

Tonight, my sweet Izzy handed me an envelope. On the front he drew a heart person with arms and legs. On the back were several letters that spelled nonsense, but he said it spelled "Happy Valentines Day!"

He was so excited as I opened up the envelope. He had a huge grin on his face, and he said, "Mama, you aren't going to believe how much you are going to love this."

I open it up, assuming I am going to find a piece of paper with more drawing. I was wrong. I found a Church's Chicken coupon!

He said, "Mama, I love you so much. Happy Valentines Day! I love you so much, I was thinking you could go to the chicken place and get me some chicken tenders. Does that sound like a good idea to you?"

Now, you have to applaud his creativity. He could have just come up and said, "I want nuggets", but that's not his style. He takes his time, he thinks of the most romantic way you could possibly ask for chicken tenders and goes with that. Now, I didn't get the tenders, but he did get a huge hug and kiss from me. Maybe last year, I would have caved, but Izzy is a big ball of sugar, and if I fell for all of his sweet gestures, we would be eating nuggets for every meal and watching Chicken Little 24 hours a day.

I have to say, he is 4 and imperfect, but I have never met a more loving kid than Izzy. I am sure people grow tired of my facebook status' with his sweet sayings, but what they don't know is I could really update like 25 times a day with his quotes and loving gestures. The kid is like a walking Hallmark store...brimming with love and motivational sayings.

I feel like when Mommy's are having a hard day, they should call me. I could bring Izzy over for an hour and refuel their love tanks. Hello College Fund! :)

Give me 5's!

I started a new tradition at our house and it all came from a dream. Sounds weird, but it is true. The other night, I had a dream that while I was putting Izzy to bed, I counted out on my hands 5 things I loved about him. Then he counted 5 things about me, and we high-fived! Well, last night I tried it. After our bedtime prayer, I told him about my idea and he loved it.
I went first.
Izzy, I LOVE:
1. Your smile.
2. That you are neat and tidy.
3. You have great hair.
4. You are a great sharer.
5. You are so loving to your brother.
Izzy was glowing and said Thank you after every single one.

Then Izzy went.
Mommy, I LOVE:
1. You are a good Mommy.
2. I love you.
3. I like you.
4. You take good care of my brother.
5. I just love you so much.

There we are, feeling so good about ourselves, big smiles on our faces and our 5's in the air. We high-five and give each other a big kiss.

Every kid loves to hear about their good qualities, but especially Izzy. His love language would totally be words of affirmation. I am so glad I had this idea, because it got me thinking, some days kids just have a bad day and no matter how hard they try, they are in a funk. They spill things, mess things up, get in time-out. What better way to send your kid to bed, than with a few simple things you adore about them? It even made me feel better too.

In fact, Izzy loved it so much he made me do it twice that night, so he went to bed with 10's. :) This morning the first thing out of his mouth was, "Hi Mama! I was thinking all night about my 5's and I can't wait to tell you them tonight." In the car on the way to school, he said, "I just have to tell you one really quick, I love that you play pirates with me." I don't even think he is going to be able to wait until bed time every night, but that is ok with me. I want my boys to know how much I adore them, and especially on one of their funky days.

What traditions do you have with your kids that they love?

4

Please tell me this is just a phase. My 4 year old has turned into a hot mess of emotions in the last month. Most stories are told through tears and jumbled words, just to find out it was really nothing to begin with. Yesterday, he decided he was never going back to school again after a boy in his class laughed at him when his Lego Robots head fell off. It took me 2 hours to get to the bottom of that hysteria. Today went perfectly and all crises were adverted. Who knows what tomorrow will hold? Maybe I will grab the wrong cup or his brother will walk into his bedroom or God forbid, I put the wrong Max and Ruby on, and once again I will have to decode another mass of emotional verbage.

This week, Mommy is feeling very drained. I am trying my very best to be patient and compassionate to the struggles of a 4 year old, but my usually balanced, happy boy has taken a (hopefully brief) vacation and Emo Izzy is subbing for a while. Not sure if this is a normal 4 year old phase..but it would sure make me feel better if it was.

I am calling this phase the "Frustrated 4's". Izzy never experienced the "normal" 2 and 3 year old things like tantrums and aggression and I knew eventually we would hit a rough patch. I just didn't expect teenage-like emotional drama so early.


This tired Mommy is praying the balance returns soon and I am open to suggestions until then!

Bobo is Back!

My Aunt Theresa has a way with kids. She is loving and attentive and my kids adore her. Asher will go to her even when he hasn't seen her in months and that is a big deal for my little stranger danger guy. Izzy loves Aunt T for lots of reasons, but I am sure there is one major one. When she sees the kids it is like there is no one else around. She plays whatever they want to play for however long. Aunt T asked if Izzy wanted to spend the night Friday and that is all he could think about last week. I am sure the week felt like forever since he still doesn't know his days of the week in order. Friday finally came and off Izzy went. I got a call on Saturday morning from a very happy boy who asked if he could stay another day because he was simply having too much fun. I agreed, but I have to admit I was a little sad he didn't miss us more. =) On Sunday afternoon Aunt T brought Izzy home and he was so excited to see what we had done while he was gone. We put up the Christmas lights and I surprised him by putting up his Christmas tree in his room (minus the breakable ornaments thanks to Asher). I am pretty sure that is the only reason he decided to come home because he told me his weekend was full. They went shopping, to Chuck E. Cheese, McDonald's, watched movies and ate popcorn, played with Jack (Izzy's shi-tzu who Aunt T graciously took after many scratches on baby Asher) and stayed up late every night and didn't take a single nap. A kids dream!

He talked about Aunt Theresa all night long and asked when the next time he could visit her. I am so happy he has someone who just loves on him and makes him feel so special. Sometimes you just need a place to get spoiled rotten. For Mommy it is the spa...for Izzy it is Aunt Theresa's!

Potty Party!

This week Izzy made a huge accomplishment. He no longer needs pull-ups when sleeping!!!! When potty training Izzy at 2, I asked my Pediatrician her opinion on cold turkey training (no pull-ups at all or allow them for sleep times until he is dry on his own). Her response was to allow his body to direct the timing, as most children don't develop the ability to hold for a full night of sleep until 5 years of age. Izzy has been dry at nap time for a couple of months, but I continued to let him wear them because I didn't want him to get upset at himself if he was to have an accident. Tuesday we ran out of pull-ups and I decided what better time to test it out than now? He took at 3 hour nap and woke up dry and completely proud of himself!!! I told him I would have a big surprise for him being such a big boy.

The next day while he was at school, I decorated his room with 100 balloons and home made signs. I bought an army toy kit complete with a compass, binoculars, head set, badge, and helmet to reward his success. I had his whole room decorated and ready and Grandma and Asher were waiting there to surprise him. When I picked him up, I told him I had a surprise for him and he opened his bedroom door and squealed in delight!!! His very own POTTY PARTY!!! We celebrated and played with balloons and his new toy. He told me over and over, "thank you Mommy for giving me a special day. This is the coolest!"

I think the biggest lesson I have learned from being a Mommy, is making a kid feel happy and special costs almost nothing, but a little time. I spent $3 and I think that day is something he will always remember. Who wouldn't like to wake up to a room full of balloons? A sure way to wake up happy!!!

Prayer

Everyday on the drive to school, Izzy and I pray. Izzy normally prays first and it is always very sweet. Then he asks me to pray for him and I do.

My prayer normally goes something like this:

Dear Jesus, Thank you for this beautiful day. Thank you for Israel and Asher because they are such blessings. I pray you keep them safe from harm and protect them from evil. That you would give them peace in their bodies and minds and give Izzy focus and attention at school. I pray that Israel would have favor with his teachers and friends that they would enjoy him today. Give Israel kind words in his mouth, patience, and an obedient spirit. In Jesus name, Amen!

Israel has become amazing at praying. He is very sensitive and sometimes the things that come out of his mouth during prayer time just blow me away! Today was one of those days.

On the way to school today, he said, "Mommy, I am going to pray. Dear Jesus, Thank you for my friends and family. Please help me to have kind words and be a good friend. Help me to have peace in my body and help Ashie feel better. God I pray you help Joseph to be kind and loving and teach him to be a good friend. Protect our car so we don't wreck and help Mommy and Ashie to have a good day today and not miss me too much while I am gone. In Jesus Name, Amen!

Now the last couple of days, he has been praying for Joseph, so I assumed he was praying for a kid at school that maybe was having a hard time. Today I finally asked. "Izzy who is Joseph? Is he a friend in your class?" He replied, " No, Mommy. Joseph is Jesus' friend. He is in the Bible didn't you know that? Jesus' friends should be nice to him too, just like my friends are to me. So I have to pray for Joseph that he will have kind words for Jesus."

Touché

I'm so tired of being alone...

This song has been in my head ever since Izzy forced us to take our discipline to a new level tonight. I blame boredom as the culprit, but either way consequences must be had. Izzy has been sick for 5 days now, which means no outside contact, no fun play dates or weekend trips. A whole lot of nothing. Then you add in the whole Asher situation and it makes for a very boring and quiet house.

Izzy is naturally obedient. He always wants to make everyone happy and he is devastated to know if he has hurt someone (especially me). Normally a stern look and an occasional time out does the trick. But the boredom/sickness has upped the stakes at our house and his blatant disregard for my requests had hit the limit. I had heard "Why?" "I don't want to!" "I don't like that food!" "I heard you, but I wasn't a good listener", one too many times this weekend. So I gave a serious warning that had never been uttered before. If he disobeyed one more time, he would not get a time out, but instead, spend the rest of the night in his room where he would have to play by himself and not talk to anyone-only coming out for potty breaks and even eating dinner in his room. Grounded to his room, all alone.

My brother and I were often grounded to our room and that really wasn't the disciplinary action that worked best for me.(Shh, don't tell Mom) I enjoyed alone time. I liked the solace of my room, so no big deal for me. I will do my time in quiet thank you very much. Izzy on the other hand, loves people. He needs to know what is going on all of the time, and makes me recount each day where everyone is: Papa-work, Grandma-work, Daddy-school. Soon after the warning turned into a real punishment when he again chose to do what he wanted to do instead of following direction. So when this consequence left my oh so tired lips, devastation flooded him and the hysterical begging began. I sent him to his room and told him he could play or read quietly and that I would bring his dinner when it was ready. He refused to leave his bed, he probably couldn't because the hyperventilation wasn't allowing enough air for him to move freely. I don't like to see Izzy upset, but sometimes, you have to shake things up. I think time outs had become to easy and he could still see what was going on from the hallway and didn't feel like he was missing out on much. Izzy was probably in his room a total of 45 minutes. In the meantime, my parents both got home and ran to Ashers room to say hello. Izzy heard the commotion and the hysteria went up a level I didn't know existed. He did not like that Asher was getting attention and he was alone, but that was the whole point.

Soon after, he came to his door and begged Daddy if he could apologize to me. I wanted to really make my point, but when I saw his face, I knew I had. He folded his hands together like he was praying and said "Mommy, please please let me be with my family. I am so sorry I was being ugly to you and not being a good listener. I promise, I really really promise I will be my best behavior and never be ugly to you again. PLEAAAAAAAAASSSEEE Mommy, don't make me be all alone anymore.

Cha-Ching! I just found Israels currency!

Izzy and I had a heart to heart and I allowed him to join the rest of the house, but warned that if tonight he continued his behavior he would end up back in his room for the night. He said "Mommy, I won't let that happen." He was totally right. Dinner was amazing. He complimentary, sweet, helpful and made great conversation without interrupting (something we have been working very hard on).

When bedtime rolled around I waited for a possible melt down, but instead I heard "Oh it is time for bed? Ok, I will brush my teeth and go potty." Uh-what? When he was all tucked in he said "Mommy, lets pray together ok, because I want to be on my best behavior all of the time for you. We are best friends and I want to follow the rules." Music to this Mommy's ears. So we prayed together as we always do and he went to bed in complete peace.

Tomorrow he is back at school and I am hoping that brings back some normalcy and cures his boredom. I am quite sure we are going to have a great day tomorrow, he made me a pinky promise.