Bobo is Back!

My Aunt Theresa has a way with kids. She is loving and attentive and my kids adore her. Asher will go to her even when he hasn't seen her in months and that is a big deal for my little stranger danger guy. Izzy loves Aunt T for lots of reasons, but I am sure there is one major one. When she sees the kids it is like there is no one else around. She plays whatever they want to play for however long. Aunt T asked if Izzy wanted to spend the night Friday and that is all he could think about last week. I am sure the week felt like forever since he still doesn't know his days of the week in order. Friday finally came and off Izzy went. I got a call on Saturday morning from a very happy boy who asked if he could stay another day because he was simply having too much fun. I agreed, but I have to admit I was a little sad he didn't miss us more. =) On Sunday afternoon Aunt T brought Izzy home and he was so excited to see what we had done while he was gone. We put up the Christmas lights and I surprised him by putting up his Christmas tree in his room (minus the breakable ornaments thanks to Asher). I am pretty sure that is the only reason he decided to come home because he told me his weekend was full. They went shopping, to Chuck E. Cheese, McDonald's, watched movies and ate popcorn, played with Jack (Izzy's shi-tzu who Aunt T graciously took after many scratches on baby Asher) and stayed up late every night and didn't take a single nap. A kids dream!

He talked about Aunt Theresa all night long and asked when the next time he could visit her. I am so happy he has someone who just loves on him and makes him feel so special. Sometimes you just need a place to get spoiled rotten. For Mommy it is the spa...for Izzy it is Aunt Theresa's!

Thanks.

Today I am purposing to be positive and thankful. I try to do this each and every day, but today more than normal. Sunday was an emotional day for me, and I let myself have those times every once and a while, but it is a new day and it is time to refocus. So, here is a list of a few things I am so thankful for.

1. Hubby. He was made just for me, my perfect balance and I can't imagine a single day without him.

2. Judah. I am thankful for every single second with that baby. I am thankful that he made me a mother when we weren't sure I would ever get to experience that. I am thankful that I can close my eyes and still smell his baby smell and hear his sweet gurgles.

3. Israel. I am thankful that he gave me a new life and taught me to love again. I am so grateful for his sweetness. Every single day he fills my heart with his sweet sayings and affection. He always senses exactly what I need and when I need it.

4. Asher. I am thankful for the joy and laughter he brings to our family. You can't help but smile when you look at that beautiful baby and he will do anything for a laugh. I am thankful for all of the cuddles and baby time he has given me, and this time I am soaking every minute of it up.

5. Family. I have the best family. Kind, giving, loving and faithful.

6. Friends. I am blessed to have a group of close friends who make me laugh uncontrollably and will cry with me when I need it.

7. Time. Sometimes, I forget what I have been through the last few years. I get busy and focused on the daily tasks and forget that this could have had a very different ending. I am so thankful for time with my children to watch them grow to young men.

8. Health. In the last 7 years I have had multiple surgeries and a life threatening infection. I am so blessed to be alive, healthy and able to care for my family. Two years ago last month, I wrote a letter to Israel because I was not sure if I would get to see him grow up and I am so thankful that letter is still in my safe. =)

And now for the little things...

9. Sleep. I am thankful to have 2 good sleeping boys.

10. My camera. I am so happy to have a great camera to capture the daily moments I share with my babies. My mind can only hold so many memories...but my camera can get everything.

11. Facebook. For without it, I wouldn't have time to keep up with my friends and family. It is pretty much impossible to have a phone conversation with 2 little ones hanging on your leg. And lets be real...I was never good on the phone anyway.

12. My wonderful parents who give my hubby and I a chance to reconnect whenever his schedule permits.

13. Foodnetwork.com because without it, we would be eating grilled cheese every night.

14. DVR- Oh how I love you!!! This invention has made it possible for me to keep my kids happy by recording family movies and their favorite: Max and Ruby! But even better, it keeps me happy by recording all of my shows that I am too busy to watch otherwise and I get to skip all of the commercials!!!

15. Antibacterial gel- How did people even survive without it?

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!

The Truth Hurts.

The truth from a Mommy who has buried her child.

Time does not heal all wounds.

In fact, it is just the opposite. Each day that passes, it becomes a little more difficult to breathe. As each holiday approaches you are slammed with the thought that once again you are celebrating as a family, but your whole family is not here. I have one less child to buy a Tonka Truck for and I notice the empty space in the Christmas photos. Each year as I buy presents for Israel, I think would Judah have liked this? What would he have been interested in? Judah would be 5 years old this year and I can't even imagine what Christmas would feel like with him here. To look in my rear view mirror and see 3 smiling faces looking back at me is something I think about every day.

People with the sincerest of hearts often have said that because I have been so miraculously blessed with two more precious gifts that I should be able to have a full heart and move on. It simply doesn't work that way. Having more children does not erase the pain and heartache of losing a child. My boys bring me a joy that I didn't think I would ever feel again. I laugh every single day and if you would have asked me 5 years ago, I didn't know how I could feel true happiness again. Truth be told, there is a part of my heart that is empty until I hold him again. I am incomplete.

Every single day, I wake up and make a choice. I have to. If I went purely by my heart, I would have never breathed a single breath again. The overwhelming pain and crushing weight on my heart knowing I won't see him grow, get another kiss, hear him say Mama or take him to his first day of school is too enormous for a human to handle. Instead I have faith. I have faith that we will be reunited in heaven. That he is, at this moment, praising God in a way I have yet to experience. That in heaven, he is in perfect form and without pain and that is exactly what every mother wants.

The holidays are rapidly approaching and I can feel my heart tensing. I feel like at any minute my emotions will erupt and I am not sure when it will stop. Today is one of those days where I have to make the choice to be joyful and thankful a little more often. To remind myself of all the things I have been given, not just the one that was taken away. Today is one of those days, I pray the morning comes soon, so I can hug my sweet boys and tell them I love them.

From a mommy who has buried her child, the truth is, it hurts. No matter the time, the size of the family, the amount of time spent with your child, just no matter...it still hurts.

Potty Party!

This week Izzy made a huge accomplishment. He no longer needs pull-ups when sleeping!!!! When potty training Izzy at 2, I asked my Pediatrician her opinion on cold turkey training (no pull-ups at all or allow them for sleep times until he is dry on his own). Her response was to allow his body to direct the timing, as most children don't develop the ability to hold for a full night of sleep until 5 years of age. Izzy has been dry at nap time for a couple of months, but I continued to let him wear them because I didn't want him to get upset at himself if he was to have an accident. Tuesday we ran out of pull-ups and I decided what better time to test it out than now? He took at 3 hour nap and woke up dry and completely proud of himself!!! I told him I would have a big surprise for him being such a big boy.

The next day while he was at school, I decorated his room with 100 balloons and home made signs. I bought an army toy kit complete with a compass, binoculars, head set, badge, and helmet to reward his success. I had his whole room decorated and ready and Grandma and Asher were waiting there to surprise him. When I picked him up, I told him I had a surprise for him and he opened his bedroom door and squealed in delight!!! His very own POTTY PARTY!!! We celebrated and played with balloons and his new toy. He told me over and over, "thank you Mommy for giving me a special day. This is the coolest!"

I think the biggest lesson I have learned from being a Mommy, is making a kid feel happy and special costs almost nothing, but a little time. I spent $3 and I think that day is something he will always remember. Who wouldn't like to wake up to a room full of balloons? A sure way to wake up happy!!!

Lysol take me away...

Mommy Confession. I HATE MUCUS. Like hate it where I turn into Kate Gosselin in the Disney World/Ice Cream episode. Every time my kids sneeze, I cringe. Today before 8:30 there were so many sneezes, I lost count. But something I can count is the number of shirt changes and that was 2. TWO changes of clothes before 9 because of mucus explosions. I went on a crazy cleaning frenzy yesterday hoping to feel a little better and it only made me tired. I have come to the conclusion that I will only feel better in a couple of days when the boys are better and one hand has a can of Lysol and the other is holding the Clorox wipes. I was keeping a running list in my head of all of the toys my boys had played with this weekend, but at this point every single item in Izzy's room is getting a bleach bath. That is like extra credit for a germaphobe like me.

On a side note... (and this may get me punched in the face by my friends)

Most babies at Ashers age are caught trying to crawl out of their cribs. Yesterday, I walk in his bedroom to find Asher stuck on the railing trying to crawl INTO his crib. He was so relieved to see me so I could offer him some assistance. It was one of those moments I wish I had my camera handy. Izzy was this way too as a baby. He would walk into his room at the same time every single day grab his blankie from his bed and bring it to me..that meant he was ready for a nap. Asher is a little more independent so I guess he thought he would just cut out the middle man.


I feel like now is the appropriate time to say this.
To all the people who told me to "just wait" because there was NO WAY I could have 2 calm, happy babies that are also amazing sleepers.... Commence Hating!


Happy Monday!

Reduce. Reuse. Recycle

I have noticed a growing trend around the house lately. Both of my boys have started a new habit of organizing things by group and finding a special place to store the items. Asher seems to concentrate on food items. During meal times, he groups like food together and puts them in certain sections of his tray. If he doesn't want to eat something, he (very sneakily) leans forward and drops the item behind his back and then proceeds to finish the rest of the food. By the time, I go to clean him up, I am so proud at how much food he has eaten and then I take him out only to find that 98% of the food has been stored on his back and not only is his high chair a mess, but his clothes have food smashed into them. Note: It is never fun to start the day with a very clean and newly dressed baby, just to have to completely change and re-bathe said baby because he stores food like a squirrel. The other odd thing about this is, he doesn't like when you get rid of the food. He really is storing it for a later date. I have found random snacks placed in secret hiding spots around the house. When he gets hungry, he goes to his secret food stash and returns with a giant smile and the random food such as an animal cracker. I am constantly taking his stored food away from him. I have never heard of a baby doing this before.

Then there is Izzy. He is all about re-purposing items. This week, he found a large empty almond container and asked if I could wash it so he could have it. I did and within a few minutes he returned with a container full of hot wheels. He was so proud that he had recycled the container. The next day, we got a couple of packages in the mail. He was playing quietly in his room and when I checked on him I couldn't believe my eyes. He had filled the large empty box with literally every toy in his bedroom. He filled it and was dragging the what had to be 20 lb box around behind him. I am not really sure why he does this, but he likes boxes, bags, containers and he likes to fill them with specific items that for that day are special to him.

Here is the other thing about Izzy. When he learns something new, he becomes a little obsessed about it. Take hand washing and germs. I am surprised he even has skin left on his poor little hands. He has becoming relentless about hand washing since his school promoted it and taught about the dangers of flu and germs. Well, it shouldn't surprise me, but I guess the newest discussions have been about recycling. He has informed me I am not allowed to throw trash on the ground outside because it hurts the earth and kills animals. As much as I appreciate the enthusiasm, I do not want to have to keep every empty Velveeta container so that he can fill it with pencils or army men!

I think I am going to have to nip this new hobby in the bud. I don't want to be the next family on that show Hoarders.

Prayer

Everyday on the drive to school, Izzy and I pray. Izzy normally prays first and it is always very sweet. Then he asks me to pray for him and I do.

My prayer normally goes something like this:

Dear Jesus, Thank you for this beautiful day. Thank you for Israel and Asher because they are such blessings. I pray you keep them safe from harm and protect them from evil. That you would give them peace in their bodies and minds and give Izzy focus and attention at school. I pray that Israel would have favor with his teachers and friends that they would enjoy him today. Give Israel kind words in his mouth, patience, and an obedient spirit. In Jesus name, Amen!

Israel has become amazing at praying. He is very sensitive and sometimes the things that come out of his mouth during prayer time just blow me away! Today was one of those days.

On the way to school today, he said, "Mommy, I am going to pray. Dear Jesus, Thank you for my friends and family. Please help me to have kind words and be a good friend. Help me to have peace in my body and help Ashie feel better. God I pray you help Joseph to be kind and loving and teach him to be a good friend. Protect our car so we don't wreck and help Mommy and Ashie to have a good day today and not miss me too much while I am gone. In Jesus Name, Amen!

Now the last couple of days, he has been praying for Joseph, so I assumed he was praying for a kid at school that maybe was having a hard time. Today I finally asked. "Izzy who is Joseph? Is he a friend in your class?" He replied, " No, Mommy. Joseph is Jesus' friend. He is in the Bible didn't you know that? Jesus' friends should be nice to him too, just like my friends are to me. So I have to pray for Joseph that he will have kind words for Jesus."

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