Married to a Medical Student

Lately, I have been getting a lot of "How are you surviving Med School?" I don't really know how to answer that because quite frankly, I am too tired to think of one.

Maybe I should start from the beginning. Hubby and I have been married for what will be 9 years in just a couple of weeks. As you will read in this blog, we have had a lifetime of challenges compacted into 5 years. Those challenges have really matured us and what some feared would rip us apart has bonded us in a way that we never expected. He is the only person on this entire Earth who knows exactly how I feel each day. When we lost Judah, our lives changed forever. We were no longer, normal parents, friends, partners...we weren't normal anything, really. That time in our life and all of the miracles that took place changed our path into something we had never imagined for ourselves.

Hubby had always wanted to be a Doctor, but who wants to do the schooling? Instead, he went to school in Computer Technology, a very in demand, well paying career. We get married, and have a fantastic life in our brand new apartment, with a dream car and ZERO stress! We made great money, we budgeted well and made smart decisions. Soon we had our first house, worked really hard on it and just when we were getting to enjoy the fruits of our labor, we find out Judahs diagnosis and suddenly, everything we worked for didn't matter. Hubby, felt that dream rise up again, and throughout time, it became cemented in his heart that he was called to be the Doctor to children that could be facing terminal illnesses and help their families cope, because we have been there. We talked and prayed for months on this subject and as a wife who longed to be a stay at home mom someday, it was a scary thought. We would have to sell everything we had to make this dream come to fruition. How would we make it financially? Where would we live? Could I leave my family and our friends if required? There were so many questions, but we both knew it was the right decision. He started taking Pre-Med classes at night, while working his full-time job, and by this time, we had our miracle baby Izzy. I was able to stay home with him, but we had to put our house up for sale and move quickly after. My parents are so fantastic and supportive. They offered to sell their house and let us move in to relieve the majority of the financial stress and give me the opportunity to stay home with my babies during the process. It didn't come easy. Our house sold within 3 weeks, and their house didn't sell for 3 years. During that time, we moved a lot and it was difficult and stressful. It was hard to fight the thoughts of what our life would have been if we had just stayed on our own path. Cushy job, great money,and our own house, and last but not least- INDEPENDENCE. By the time Izzy was 3 and I was pregnant with Asher, we had literally sold everything we had, moved in with my parents and Marcus quit his full-time job. He was officially a full-time Medical student. I can't explain how proud I am of him and his determination to do something that most people wouldn't do. He had everything at a very young age that a lot of people work a lifetime to achieve. He gave it all up to follow his heart and honor his son. I don't care what I have to give up or do to support him during this time. I am so in love and grateful to have been given the opportunity to share this life with someone who fights, sacrifices and stays the course. We are all sacrificing a few years, for a lifetime of reward. I will have a hubby who is living his calling and that brings true happiness. He has made it possible that I can stay home with my babies and fulfill my calling, so really, I am only sacrificing things I can get back in a few years.

We are about 1 month into his first year. I feel alone a lot of the time. Honestly, I have felt that way, since I lost Judah. Most young adults haven't faced what we have been through. You can't explain it and even if you could-no one could understand it. Medical School is very much the same. Hubby leaves the house before 7 a.m. comes home around 6. We have dinner as a family and he has about 30 minutes to play with the kids. I put them to bed at 7, and I don't see him again until 11, when he comes to bed. Weekends are no different, he might go to school to study from 8-5, have dinner, play, and then off to study until bedtime. I can tell my friends that hubby studied over 40 hours for his final in one weekend, but you can see the blankness in their faces. I can tell them that I have the kids 24 hours a day, 7 days a week (unless my lovely parents so graciously give us a date night). Or that, I feel like I am literally giving every ounce of myself to everyone around me and right now, I have no one returning it. Too many people with too many needs and I am drained. I want to spend every second of everyday making special memories with my hubby and kids. I don't want them to look back at this time and feel like school stole their Daddy. I am working hard to keep the kids on a strict schedule to provide Hubby with enough time to study each night. He and I get a couple of minutes a night to chat before he goes to sleep and I have to make that count. I am so blessed to have the most amazing boys. My kids are imperfect, but I couldn't imagine having any other kids for this journey. They are scheduled, happy, obedient and loving. They make me laugh every day and I really, really need that.

Medical school is no joke. Somehow, through all of this, we are actually doing really REALLY well. Yes, I often feel like no one can relate. But, then do I really want to have the same life as everyone else around me? I am sure if you ask me, there will be some days that I will answer a resounding YES to that question, but 99% of the time I appreciate all of the challenges, the rewards, the loss and the blessings that we have received in our marriage. Hubby and I are a good team and it has always been that way. I definitely have so much more on my plate than I imagined, but I can honestly say, I am happy and so overwhelmingly proud to be the wife of a future Doctor.