I do.

"To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."

9 years ago today, I exchanged those vows with the most incredible man I have ever met. I can say that 9 years ago, those words were meant, but not fully understood. Years later, I could and would say those again with full understanding of what it is to say "I do."

Better or Worse:
Hubby has loved me through all of my annoying habits and I his.
I don't think he knew that I would be compulsively organized in every room, except our bedroom. Or that I only knew how to cook chicken when we first married. Or that I sing to the radio, but never really know the words to the song. Or that I have the thickest hair God ever created and shed like a boxer.
I can say I didn't know that he takes just as long as I do to get ready to go out. Or that he would make the bed while I was still in it. Or that I will never be able to satisfy his shoe addiction and that he would require more room in the walk-in closet than I. On the other hand, I didn't know I would still get love notes taped to the mirror 9 years later. Or that he would be the absolute best Father you could EVER imagine. Or that even though he has only mere minutes of alone time during his week, he would give them up to spend them with me at every chance.


Richer or Poorer:

As you have read before, Hubby and I had a great start to our new life. We both had great jobs and expensive taste. We had lots of fun building a new life together and spoiling each other rotten. We are more budgeted these days, but honestly, we still spoil each other. It just may take a little longer to save for it.

In Sickness and in Health:
Hubby loved me through 3 major surgeries, lots of procedures, months and months of recovery, and 3 very difficult pregnancies. I have loved him through the stomach flu and a knee surgery. The knee surgery was easier. ;) I think he got the short stick on this vow, sorry Honey.

To Love and Cherish:

Hubby has seen me in my deepest, darkest place, and loved me still. As we grieved the loss of our baby together, he showed me a love I never knew before. He is faithful in every sense of the word and that gives me security to know that no matter what comes in the future, I will still have a partner to walk this life with. Hubby has made my dreams come true and given me the best gifts that have ever been created, Judah, Israel and Asher.

So Hubby, until death do us part, I Do. Happy Anniversary Baby!!!!

My own muscle relaxer.

Yesterday was a day of unplanned fun. I woke up very sickly feeling and wishing I had backup, but by the time I got Izzy from school, the meds had kicked in and I was feeling better. I helped a friend out by watching her two fantastic kids while she went for a check-up and the kids had a blast. I had a chance to snuggle a little baby girl, which as you know doesn't happen often. I played with her little hair and did my best to find toys around here that would interest her. Asher tagged along with the big boys and tried his hardest to keep up while they played Army with tanks and GI Joes. It was a very cute sight. He had his own tank and would come to me to help him fix "Joe" after he fell out nearly every 8 seconds. My baby is growing up.

Soon after, my sweet friend arrived (did I mention she brought a pumpkin spice coffee for me?) and we took the kids outside to play for a while. I am trying to soak up every ounce of sun there is left. I can feel the seasons changing and I detest winter. I am not a cold season person at all. Cold makes me want to stay in bed in sweats and sleep in...neither of which I can do with two little ones.

After nap, we got yet another call to play, but this time at the park. We met some other friends at the park and I got in some good ol' girl talk. Asher loves the park, he always has, but now he can walk. He runs that joint. He walks with authority and points to kids and says something that I am sure is very important. Walking lasts for about 10 minutes and then he is ready to get back in the stroller and head home. It is 6:30 by this time, and he can hardly stay awake. We tell our friends goodbye and get ready for bed. It turned out to be a great day. I was feeling much better, but I was tired. I have been dealing with migraines for the past few days from a jaw/hip surgery I had a couple of years ago. My two sweet smiling boys are the things that dragged me out of bed each day since last Thursday. Otherwise, I would have gladly slept the weekend away until the pain passed.

The most amazing thing happened last night. I remembered I am married to a medical student! Not just a med student, but a Osteopathic med student! He broke out his OMT table and gave me a full back and neck massage with what seemed like crazy stretches, but I trusted him. I am glad I did, because they totally worked and I had the best night sleep in AGES! It is a win/win situation, really. He gets much needed practice and I get a fantastic massage before bed. This is one thing I really love about Med school. Hubby wouldn't even scratch my back before he started school. He complained of severe hand cramps and gave long stories excusing himself of such duties. Apparently, ladies, all you have to do to get a really good back rub is enroll your hubby in Med school! Who needs pills? I have my own muscle relaxer!

Sick

Woke up sick today. Picked up the phone to call reinforcements, when I realized I don't have any. Hmmmm, what to do? Guess I will suck it up and just keep telling myself I am not sick and do it all anyway! Oh how I miss the days of youth, when you are sick and you have someone to wait on you hand and foot. I don't even so much need that kind of care now, although it would be nice. If I could just have a quiet day to sleep and not have a single responsibility. No dinner, no errands, no play dates, no school drop offs/pick ups, no chores and someone to keep my kids happy and smiling all day today.

I told Izzy that I was sick and Mommy would need his help today and he agreed. He was very concerned for me until I told him that I couldn't walk him to school like normal, that we would have to drive. Then he told me, "Oh but Mommy, we have to walk because if we drive your fingers will get too tired and I don't want that to happen." Always looking out for me.

I got Izzy to school and Asher is about to nap, so I will have a couple of hours of rest. Hopefully, it will be just enough to get me through the rest of this day.

Sing

The boys go to bed promptly at 7 every night. There is very rarely a struggle or delay, so tonight caught me by surprise. I walked by Izzy's room at 9 p.m. and heard him singing loudly "America the Beautiful." Not a song you normally hear a 4 year old sing on their down time. He was singing with such sweet conviction, I didn't want to interrupt him, but it is 9 and he does have school tomorrow. I enter his room and find him a little disturbed that I had interrupted him. After a short conversation, I ask why he is singing so late at night. He replied, " Because Mommy, it is my job. God sings to me and he likes when I sing back to him. That is what I have to do, I have to sing. It is my job." I couldn't really argue with that because it is the truth. I am sure there is nothing sweeter to Gods ears than to hear the innocent praise from a child's mouth.

I have noticed him saying this a lot lately. We pray each day on the way to school. He always prays first and it normally goes something like this: "Dear God, thank you for this day. Help my Mommy and Ashie, be good and not get into trouble. Help my friends and family and keep us safe and healthy. Help us all to be obedient and good friends. In Jesus name, Amen."
The past few days he has added this line, "Thank you God for singing to me when I sleep."
This thought alone gets me.

So when he let me know that singing was his job, I could do nothing more than agree with him and give him a giant hug and a kiss. Next time, I think I will let him sing a little while longer, and maybe hope to catch it on video. You never know what Gods plan is for that little one. Maybe Izzy knows something I don't.

Brothers

Not really sure how or when it happened, but it finally did.

For a long time, there has just been a baby in the house. A baby who needed a LOT of attention, but as far as Izzy was concerned, didn't bring anything to the table. What can this baby do exactly? Eat, sleep, poop? Really cause I can do that and more.

For the last year, I have heard over and over again, "Mommy, I need someone to play with me!" I kept reminding him that he has someone, and very soon that baby will be chasing him and stealing his toys and wanting to play with him so much, that Izzy will be saying "Mommy, I just want to play by myself!" He didn't believe me.

September hit, and it brought big changes in the house. I woke up one day and Asher could walk. Then something amazing happened, they started chasing each other around, and wildly giggling while they did it. They play hide and seek, cars, dance, dress up, drums, it goes on and on. Now when Izzy plays, no matter what it is, Asher is always his "assistant". If he is the Doctor, Asher is the nurse. At this point, you can rarely find one without the other. Izzy now calls him his "New best friend" and you can tell the feeling is mutual. Asher thinks Izzy is magic and he squeals with delight when he sees him in the morning. Car rides are very loud now as they sit next to each other and sing and giggle in deafening tones. I am so glad that Izzy has someone to play with now, and I hope that they always love each other like they do right now. If I taped the noises in our house for the last month....all you would hear is non-stop giggling. It is an answer to prayer and the ultimate reward for a Mommy.

Finally, baby turned into brother and they are so happy about it.

Names

Izzy just told me he wants to change his name. It broke my heart, a lot. He won't understand how important his name is until much later in life, but his name was given not picked.

It took us months of prayer to pick Judah's name and finally one day as I was praying, it just popped out of a book and the meaning got me- Praise. We didn't know his diagnosis at the time, but it immediately felt right. I didn't tell anyone even Hubby and one week later, I received a call from my Dad who said, I was praying today and I know the name of the baby. I thought to myself, "no you don't." Then he said it, "Judah."
And tears.
We knew we wanted powerful meanings for their names, so we chose Judah-Praise, Asher-Blessed, Happy.

A few months after Judah had passed, I got a call from my Dad who was weeping. He said he was praying and HAD to call me to share what he was given. He had an urging in his spirit to write a passage down and give it to me and so he did. It is written in his journal somewhere, but I will paraphrase here. "Because of their faithfulness, Michael (Me) will become pregnant with a healthy baby boy. He will be called Israel-Promise of God. He will be a helper to his parents and grow to do amazing work for the Lord." I wasn't supposed to try to get pregnant for 2 more months. I figured this would happen down the road, but just one week later, I found out I was pregnant. It was a healthy boy and we named him Israel. We chose Ranen for his middle name which means Joy which is exactly what he is.

When he told me he didn't like his name, it wasn't because he didn't like his name, but because a boy at school named Allen didn't. He said he wants to have a name everyone will like, so I explained that no matter what your name is, someone will take issue with it. I also explained how special his name is and how Mommy has an unusual name too and I got made fun of when I was little. I told him the next time someone says something about his name, just say, "I like it so that is all that matters." It made my heart hurt for him, having an unusual name myself, I could completely relate.

It seems all of my boys names are becoming more popular, Judah, Israel and Asher are all moving up on the names list. It seems everywhere I turn, I run into people with the same names. I can't tell you how many people I have met, simply due to my name. A girl named Michael is a conversation starter and it is nice as an adult to not have a name that everyone else has. I hope that someday soon Israel enjoys his name and doesn't want to blend like everyone else. I couldn't imagine him with any other name.

This also makes me wonder, if Israel got flack for his name, what is going to happen to all of those poor Hollywood kids? Apple, Seraphina, Bronx Mowgli...

Izzy's Quote of the Day

Me- "Izzy can you help Mommy please?

Izzy- "Mommy, I want to help you, but my brain is so strong and it won't let me."

I proceeded to shoot him "the look" and he managed to overcome the power of his brain and help me out.

Best Papa in the World!

My kids have the best Papa in the world and they don't even know it, yet.

My Dad spoils my kids with love and attention. Randomly, he will bring special treats or take them shopping or to the greatest place on earth CHUCK E. CHEESE!!!!

Last night, he came home and surprised Izzy by telling him he was going to take him to the Circus next week!!! You can imagine his 4 year old response. Izzy talked incessantly about it and I am pretty sure he dreamed of lions, tigers and bears.


Here is the thing. The circus was LAST weekend. GASP! While Izzy was dreaming of the Big Top, Dad and I were scrambling to come up with a new even more exciting idea. We learned one thing. Once you tell a 4 year old they are going to the circus, not much compares.


I told my Dad to just tell him the truth and promise that the next time it is in town we will be sure to go and he will get over it. Being Dad, he emailed me later and let me know that he found dates in October in St. Louis and he wants to take us all for an overnight trip to see the circus and spend the next day in STL. I know. He is fantastic, right? I know Izzy won't understand what a big deal that is, but I will do my best to explain that most Grandparents wouldn't do such a thing.


Most Grandparents, don't play baseball until it is too dark to see. Go on bike rides after they have worked all day and have other things to do. Take him to a movie and let him get whatever he wants even if it probably cost $50 for the popcorn and slurpee alone. Call and check on the kids every single day, even though we live together, and he will see them in just a few hours. Play hide-n-seek, army, Doctor, games, cars, I could go on and on.


My Dad was a great Dad. He knew me well and wanted to make me happy. He thinks about the ones he loves and lets you know it by a simple gesture. Every Friday (even when I was engaged) he would bring me a roll of sweet tarts or a Butterfinger because he knew it was my favorite. It is sweet to see that he is keeping the tradition alive with my kids. He adores my boys, and they return it. He was a fantastic, loving father, but he has kicked it up a notch as a Papa.

The Best Papa in the World is taking us to The Greatest Show on Earth, in St. Louis! My kids are so blessed!!!

School Pictures

Today is Izzy's first school picture day. Oh my word, I can't even explain how cute that kid looked as he left today. I probably kissed him 1,000 times as he practiced his smile so sweetly.

That kid gets me every day. I don't care what he does, how mad he has made me, he has these HUGE brown eyes that penetrate my heart. You can't be upset with Izzy for long, because he is simply made of sugar, he is so sweet and really one of the kindest children I have ever met.

One of the things I love the most about Izzy is that he sincerely gets so excited about the smallest event. What? We are going to Target! NO WAY!!!! Mommy you are going to help me clean my room! YOU ARE THE BEST! Literally, if you are willing to do something with him, no matter if it is pulling weeds or going to the biggest theme park in the world, his reaction is the same. He loves to do anything with someone he loves.

That is why I can hardly wait to tell him about his big surprise tonight. After school, I am picking him up for a special lunch, wherever he wants to go (like there is even another place that exists besides McDonalds). Then we are off to shop with the money that Grammy gave him just for being him. He will scour the aisles for the perfect toy and I promise will end up with something that was a great deal and will probably have money left over. By this time, Asher will hardly be able to hold his body upright, so it will be time to go home for a nap. After a wonderful snooze, we are going to load up and go to our friends birthday party. Twins who are cute as a button and my boys love them. Finally after all of this, I will be able to tell him that he is going to his favorite cousins house for a camp out in the backyard!!! Can you even think of an activity that could be more fun for a 4 year old boy? I am afraid I might have to bring the ear plugs for poor baby Asher. Izzy's loud squeals of excitement can't be good for little ears. I can hardly wait to hear it!

*Pic is Israel at 2 years old.*

For pretend or for real?

The other night we had dinner with Hubby's brother and his family at their house. Izzy LOVES going over there for lots of reasons, but 3 really good ones. His cousins: J,T,L. J&T are 13 year old twin boys and L is an 11 year old boy. They are fantastic with Izzy and play whatever Izzy wants. Izzy acts so much more mature around them and literally wants to be them when he is older. They are very obedient and know the rules I have for him, so once we are there, they are off. Playing baseball in the backyard, Legos, movies, video games, whatever Izzy wants. At the end of the night, I walked in L's room to get Izzy to go home. They were all snuggled in the bed so sweetly. I look over to find them watching Monsters Inc. I remember Hubby and I going on a date to see that movie when it came out and I think it is adorable. Izzy seemed to like it and was devastated to leave.

Cut to bedtime. Izzy says, "Mommy, are those Monsters for pretend or for real?" Me: "Izzy, you know God didn't make monsters, they are just pretend. In that movie they are not scary or ugly. It was just a movie about pretend monsters so there is nothing to worry about." It seemed to be enough and he went right to sleep.

Night #2.
In bed for 15 minutes. Loud crying. Ugggggh!
"Mommy, are you FOR SURE those are just for pretend? Look under my bed and in my closet because in the movie that is where they hide."
After a full sweep and reassurance, he was off to sleep.

Night #3.
In bed again for 15 minutes. Loud crying. REALLY loud crying. UGGGGGGH!
"Mommy, I am so scared. Why did I watch that movie? Please tell my Aunt that I don't want to watch that movie no more! I know you said that are for pretend, but I am still scared."
I try to convince him that while he goes to sleep, I will talk to his Aunt and let her know he doesn't care for that movie and she will never let him watch it again at their house. He doesn't think that is good enough. He wants to talk to her himself. I make the call and give her the back story. She understands completely and feels bad for the little guy. He tell her that he needs to come over first thing tomorrow morning to make sure his cousins know how he feels about the subject. She promises that is unnecessary, because she will tell them. Finally, he is able to rest easy and goes right to sleep.

We have never had an issue with him being scared of the dark. I feel so badly for him, because I remember as a kid dreading when my Mom turned off the lights. Each night he seems to step it up. What am I going to have to do tomorrow to make him feel like I am being totally honest with him?

What he doesn't know is he is actually going over to stay the night there and camp out in the backyard for his first time ever! I am so excited for him and he is going to literally flip out when he hears the news. Hopefully, when he is over there, the boys can reassure him that they won't watch that movie again and he will be so distracted by all of the fun, he won't even think about that movie again.

Ironically, I will probably need Hubby to reassure me all night that Izzy is going to be just fine and not to worry. For real.

Married to a Medical Student

Lately, I have been getting a lot of "How are you surviving Med School?" I don't really know how to answer that because quite frankly, I am too tired to think of one.

Maybe I should start from the beginning. Hubby and I have been married for what will be 9 years in just a couple of weeks. As you will read in this blog, we have had a lifetime of challenges compacted into 5 years. Those challenges have really matured us and what some feared would rip us apart has bonded us in a way that we never expected. He is the only person on this entire Earth who knows exactly how I feel each day. When we lost Judah, our lives changed forever. We were no longer, normal parents, friends, partners...we weren't normal anything, really. That time in our life and all of the miracles that took place changed our path into something we had never imagined for ourselves.

Hubby had always wanted to be a Doctor, but who wants to do the schooling? Instead, he went to school in Computer Technology, a very in demand, well paying career. We get married, and have a fantastic life in our brand new apartment, with a dream car and ZERO stress! We made great money, we budgeted well and made smart decisions. Soon we had our first house, worked really hard on it and just when we were getting to enjoy the fruits of our labor, we find out Judahs diagnosis and suddenly, everything we worked for didn't matter. Hubby, felt that dream rise up again, and throughout time, it became cemented in his heart that he was called to be the Doctor to children that could be facing terminal illnesses and help their families cope, because we have been there. We talked and prayed for months on this subject and as a wife who longed to be a stay at home mom someday, it was a scary thought. We would have to sell everything we had to make this dream come to fruition. How would we make it financially? Where would we live? Could I leave my family and our friends if required? There were so many questions, but we both knew it was the right decision. He started taking Pre-Med classes at night, while working his full-time job, and by this time, we had our miracle baby Izzy. I was able to stay home with him, but we had to put our house up for sale and move quickly after. My parents are so fantastic and supportive. They offered to sell their house and let us move in to relieve the majority of the financial stress and give me the opportunity to stay home with my babies during the process. It didn't come easy. Our house sold within 3 weeks, and their house didn't sell for 3 years. During that time, we moved a lot and it was difficult and stressful. It was hard to fight the thoughts of what our life would have been if we had just stayed on our own path. Cushy job, great money,and our own house, and last but not least- INDEPENDENCE. By the time Izzy was 3 and I was pregnant with Asher, we had literally sold everything we had, moved in with my parents and Marcus quit his full-time job. He was officially a full-time Medical student. I can't explain how proud I am of him and his determination to do something that most people wouldn't do. He had everything at a very young age that a lot of people work a lifetime to achieve. He gave it all up to follow his heart and honor his son. I don't care what I have to give up or do to support him during this time. I am so in love and grateful to have been given the opportunity to share this life with someone who fights, sacrifices and stays the course. We are all sacrificing a few years, for a lifetime of reward. I will have a hubby who is living his calling and that brings true happiness. He has made it possible that I can stay home with my babies and fulfill my calling, so really, I am only sacrificing things I can get back in a few years.

We are about 1 month into his first year. I feel alone a lot of the time. Honestly, I have felt that way, since I lost Judah. Most young adults haven't faced what we have been through. You can't explain it and even if you could-no one could understand it. Medical School is very much the same. Hubby leaves the house before 7 a.m. comes home around 6. We have dinner as a family and he has about 30 minutes to play with the kids. I put them to bed at 7, and I don't see him again until 11, when he comes to bed. Weekends are no different, he might go to school to study from 8-5, have dinner, play, and then off to study until bedtime. I can tell my friends that hubby studied over 40 hours for his final in one weekend, but you can see the blankness in their faces. I can tell them that I have the kids 24 hours a day, 7 days a week (unless my lovely parents so graciously give us a date night). Or that, I feel like I am literally giving every ounce of myself to everyone around me and right now, I have no one returning it. Too many people with too many needs and I am drained. I want to spend every second of everyday making special memories with my hubby and kids. I don't want them to look back at this time and feel like school stole their Daddy. I am working hard to keep the kids on a strict schedule to provide Hubby with enough time to study each night. He and I get a couple of minutes a night to chat before he goes to sleep and I have to make that count. I am so blessed to have the most amazing boys. My kids are imperfect, but I couldn't imagine having any other kids for this journey. They are scheduled, happy, obedient and loving. They make me laugh every day and I really, really need that.

Medical school is no joke. Somehow, through all of this, we are actually doing really REALLY well. Yes, I often feel like no one can relate. But, then do I really want to have the same life as everyone else around me? I am sure if you ask me, there will be some days that I will answer a resounding YES to that question, but 99% of the time I appreciate all of the challenges, the rewards, the loss and the blessings that we have received in our marriage. Hubby and I are a good team and it has always been that way. I definitely have so much more on my plate than I imagined, but I can honestly say, I am happy and so overwhelmingly proud to be the wife of a future Doctor.

Wish List

A friend of mine has inspired me to start my own wish list. Things I could probably get if I really asked for them, but lets face it, I am a Mommy and a wife of a Med School student. Priorities! Anyone who knows me knows that I am not so good at shopping for myself. Pretending I was, this is what I would buy for myself:

1. Clothes that fit!- Hubby and I have been on the South Beach Diet for the summer and I am happy to have lost 33 pounds! Unfortunately, we went on a shopping spree in the Spring and I have almost nothing that fits correctly. Which is good, but bad.

2. Hair done professionally every 6 weeks.- I am awful about keeping up with my hair. I have SUPER thick long hair and it takes such a long period of time to get it cut, thinned and styled that as much as I enjoy it, it is hard to find the time and money to keep up with it.

3. Super Mario Brothers for Nintendo DS- Um back in the day I was hot at this game. Hubby bought me a DS for my birthday this year and it has been really fun to just play something mindless at the end of the day.

4. Picture frames- I never seem to have enough picture frames and I LOVE pictures. I take pictures of my boys almost every day. It is kind of an addiction.

5. Photography class- It would be great to actually know what I was doing while I was taking pictures everyday.

6. Cute organizational items- I am OBSESSED with organizing. It makes me feel so refreshed to have a perfectly organized closet. I normally use just whatever is around and make it work, but it would be lovely to actually have things that were meant for such a purpose.

7. Nanny Cam Bear- I think it would be so fun to see what my boys do when they play in their rooms when I am not with them.

8. Coconut Lime Verbena anything from Bath and Body Works- I wore a coconut scent on my honeymoon and when I smell it, it takes me back to our time in St. Thomas. Hubby loves it too.

9. Hospital blanket- This might be weird to some, but when I had Judah, Marcus took the blanket I was using and brought it home for me to keep. It is white with 2 blue stripes at either end. It is the most perfect blanket. I use it year round and almost can't sleep without it. I am afraid my Judah blanket, might just disintegrate from over use and I don't know if I can sleep without it. I need a back up. Hoping it will last until Marcus is out of Med school! =)

10. Memory Foam Mattress- I would like to have a mattress that doesn't make me sound like a 100 year old women in the morning.

11. I will always accept all gifts from Tiffanys.

12. I would like a date with my hubby once a month, forever.

13. Reef Sandals- I have a few, but I will never have enough.

14. A new curling iron.

15. Magazine subscriptions- I don't know why, but I really enjoy getting magazines in the mail. It is a little surprise, and it really doesn't take much to make me happy.

16. Every book by Nicholas Sparks.

17. One more healthy gorgeous baby.

18. Purses- I love purses, they always fit.

19. More Girls Nights.

20. Flowers- I love them, they are beautiful and it is a small surprise that means someone was thinking of you. My favorites are tulips, Gerber daisies, and orchids.

21. Cake Decorating Class- I would love to make my boys birthday cakes on my own.

I am sure there is more, I will add them as I think of them. Hopefully, I can put updates that my wishes have been granted and hubby will never have an excuse that he didn't know what to get me!

Personal Space.

Odd things are happening lately.

Last week, I took the boys on a play date at a park with some friends. This park is very nice and during the week it is very quiet. This particular day, I pull up in the empty lot except for 3 police cars. I waited for my friend to arrive, when I realized the police officers were actually on the play ground questioning 2 older gentlemen. They had 2 dogs (unleashed) and the whole situation just felt creepy. This park is quite large, it offers picnic areas, trails and sports fields. I was trying to figure out why two older men, would be sitting in a children's play area and allow their dogs to run free. When clearly, there is lots of other space they could choose from. Just then, my friend arrives, and as I am getting out my stroller we talk about how weird the situation is and decide to find another park. The police leave at this time but the older men stay. I open my car door to get back in, and one of their dogs jumps in my drivers seat! Gross! My boys were screaming, and then I realize I am screaming. Followed by the realization that I am the Mommy who has to get this strange dog out of my car. Ick! I finally get the dog out and I apologize to my leather seats as we head to the other park.

Park #2 is also nice and quiet and sits back pretty far, you actually have to walk a trail to get to it. We were so relieved to see we were the only ones there. We set up a blanket to have a picnic with the kids and we start to enjoy the day. The boys are playing on the play ground right in front of us, babies are snacking on our blanket. Everything was going great, when an older couple walking their 2 dogs leave the trail and make their way right to us. We stop talking and just sit there a little stunned trying to figure out what their plan is. (Side note: You know when weird things happen and it seems like everything is in slow motion? That is this whole scenario. Annnnnd Action!) The boys run over to us, a little worried about the strangers, and the couple walk their dogs directly over to us, stand in the middle of our blanket and let their dogs sniff our babies and their snacks! My friend and I couldn't even form a sentence! We just sat there with our mouths wide open, waiting for common sense to hit this complete stranger. Who does stuff like that? He actually told us not to worry, that his dogs were just curious. WHAT? I am curious too, why are you in my personal space? Why are you letting your nasty dogs sniff my baby? Why are you standing on the blanket I plan on putting my food? That is what I should have said, but of course I didn't because I am a chicken. Finally, after what seemed like at least 5 minutes, they get their dogs out of our space and we think we are in the clear and let our boys go play again. Just minutes later, the couple walk over to the play ground and sit on the bench staring at our boys. I quickly called both of them over and distracted them with a soccer ball to play close to us. My friend and I were in shock and were sure we were on an episode of Punked. This day just kept getting more unusual. We decided to pack up and head home, we couldn't take one more incident and clearly, the boys couldn't play in a child's area without strangers and dogs. Turns out, the couple were looking for the perfect spot to take a family picture with their dogs. Which, I think, explains everything.


In summary, last week I was attacked by strange old people and their dogs.

Red Shoes.

My boys make me so proud.

After preschool and lunch, I took the boys to my mom's work (a bank) to deposit their birthday money. Izzy LOVES money. I know that sounds awful that a 4 year old would love money, but it is the truth. He is much like his Mommy. He loves to have money and doesn't like to spend it. Which, makes us all very happy. Both boys received a good amount of money as birthday gifts and we deposited all of it, but $15 of Izzy's share to spend on a toy of his choosing. Most kids, would roam the aisles looking for their dream toy that is way beyond their budget. Izzy is extremely thoughtful about purchases and doesn't like to spend it all at one time. I took Izzy on his special shopping trip to Target per his request. He slowly went up each and every toy aisle. He would hold a toy for a while and then say "I want to keep looking." Izzy has always been fantastic at stores. He never throws a fit over not getting something and even as a small toddler he would say "bye-bye" to things he wanted or had played with during our trips. He still surprises me every time, because with $15, he was able to buy 3 really cool toys and have a couple of dollars left over. He has no concept of how much things cost, so this left me totally impressed. He noticed that the tags were red, and he knew that meant they were on sale. =) We all walked away from that trip completely happy with Izzy's smart shopping choices.

Which brings us back to today at the bank. Izzy and Asher had over $100 each to deposit into their accounts. Knowing how much Izzy loves money, this whole trip was so exciting. He had his little ziploc bag full of birthday money and change and handed it to the nice lady to deposit for him. He was so proud of himself that he had "saved" his money and couldn't wait to hear the amount. She handed him his statement and told him his updated balance and his eyes got wide, hands clutching the statement and raised high in the air, he yelled, "I'M RICH, I'M RICH!!!!!!!!!!!" I almost fell over in laughter!

Asher was a tad less excited, but what do you expect from a 14 month old? His excitement stemmed from something different today. Red shoes. I was up in the attic this weekend, looking for the fall/winter baby clothes for Asher. Among the bags of clothes were shoes and super cute ones at that. I had forgotten all about them, and suddenly my mind ran wild with memories of Izzy toddling around in the same shoes. I decided Asher would wear them to the bank today and hoped he could figure out how to walk in them since he has really only been wearing robees since he started walking. Not only did he walk, he walked with confidence. Apparently, red shoes do for babies what red heels do for ladies. He thought he was hot. If only, I could have taped him walking around showing those bank girls his new shoes. He walked like a Clydesdale. Big huge confident steps, no,more like stomps. He wanted everyone to look at his red shoes.
The ladies crowded around him to watch the new little walker in his new shoes and he loved every second of it.

I love these ages. All the small things make them so happy. A trip to the bank and shoes, brought huge smiles to my boys faces today. Whenever they smile, I can't help but smile too.

Lovey the Lion

ROAR!

That is what I have been hearing since Monday. Monday is the day my little Lovey decided to walk. Apparently, the only way he can keep his balance is by growling/roaring like a lion. Every time he almost falls, he lets out this gut roar and wobbles a bit and then manages to keep it together. Monday is also the day he decided that he is hot stuff and no longer needs direction or parents. He is a man now.

Take today for instance. Izzy and I were going to go play in his room and I told my little lion to come along. He walked a couple of steps, gave me a look like "wait a minute, I'm my own man now" and turned the opposite way and roaringly took his own path. Yes, it ended in the same place, but he did it his own way. Whatever works, lovey. During diaper changes, he has decided I am ruining his life and play schedule. He simply does not have the time to stop for stuff like that anymore. He has lots of walking and independent things to do.

Yesterday, we had our first battle of the wills. Wanna guess who won? That's right. Mommy. Insert "hero" music here.
It all started with a poopie diaper and ended an hour and a half later. Yes 90 minutes. At dinner time. Because I asked for 1 minute of non-walking. I know there is no reasoning with a 14 month old, but really? Now, anyone who knows Asher knows he is super happy, laughs all of the time and rarely gets upset-unless he has spotted what could be food and has not been offered any. My boys do not joke when it comes to food. It is serious business. So, back to war. I tried my normal distraction tactics and they all failed miserably. Then it happened. Crying moved into the scary purple tantrum zone and I just stood there with my mouth open for about 1 minute. Where did my little lovey go? When I tried to comfort him, it got worse. Mommy mode kicked back in and I said calmly, "Ash, we do NOT act this way. Are you ready to eat dinner?" He flipped himself over and flung his head back into that weird body formation that you can't really hold. I took him to the rocker, spoke softly in his ear, and it just escalated. Finally, I did what I did when Izzy had tantrums when he was under 2. Laid him in his crib and checked on him every couple of minutes. That is where the next 60 minutes happened. Constant checking and he would seem to calm down and when I would try to pick him up to go to the kitchen it would start again. Finally, the last time I went in and he put his hands up for me to pick him up and he nestled his head into my chest and we snuggled for a few minutes. My little man, had decided it was too much work being independent and he was ready for his Mommy again. Immediately, he turned back into my snugly, sweet, happy baby and had dinner and played nicely with Izzy before bed.

I have to say, I am still in shock that all of that drama came from the little guy. Izzy threw his share of tantrums, don't get me wrong, but Asher took it to a new level. My parents of course, just wanted to run in and rescue him and probably thought I was neglecting him by having him calm himself in his room. I felt like I did the best thing I knew to do. Stay calm and comforting, but not allow him to get attention for a tantrum. Today went much more smoothly. There were still lots of roars and growling, but not a single tantrum. I am sure that wasn't the last tantrum or battle of the wills, but I plan on winning all of them! ROAR!!!!!

Parking Lot Panic

Feeling a little frustrated this morning. Today is Izzy's ninth day in Preschool. We live down the street from his school that offers prek-5th grade. Most days I have walked Izzy to school and both of the boys love it. Days like today, however, the weather requires a car ride. I have tried twice now, to pull up to the drop off spot and let Izzy out. The first try, he panicked leaving me in a jam, because Asher is in his car seat and parents are waiting in line behind me. Luckily, his sweet teacher saw him upset and rescued the both of us. I have read the school handbook, which requests that car riders pull up in the drop off zone and take their turn, not letting kids out until you are directly in front of the doors and then pull away. Parents aren't to let their kids off anywhere else and drive off for safety purposes. We are also not supposed to block the buses. Today was our second try. I saw the empty buses sitting in the drop off zone, pulled up behind them ready to wait my turn so Izzy could walk up the stairs on his own and I could watch him walk in. Unfortunately, the buses seem to just sit there empty and parents behind me, just started letting their kids off, literally anywhere. One parent honked at me, pulled up next to me and let their probably 5th grader out in a "unsafe" area and gave me a dirty look. Here is my frustration. I don't want to cause others to be late, but I am not doing anything unsafe, or against our instructions. I have a preschooler who is still in a car seat. I can't just pull up like that 5th grade mother, and stop for 12 seconds as her kid lets herself out and drive off. I have to park, get him out of the car seat and send him up the stairs. I also have to be aware of Asher, because I can't leave him either. I waited as long as possible, and when I saw that the buses weren't moving, I walked to the sidewalk with Izzy and watched him get inside. I have this horrible feeling, like what if his class had already walked to their classroom (at the complete opposite end of the school) and he is just inside unsure of where to go, all because I don't want other parents to be frustrated with me? I am going to talk to his teacher about this and figure it out today. I am sure some of this anxiety is just my own "control" issues and also wanting Izzy to love school and not start his day off in a panic. I would hate for him to spend his day feeling like I am right now.

Hoping my baby is safe and sound in his room today. 11:30 can't come quickly enough for me.

UPDATE: I spoke with his teacher's assistant after school today. I feel a little better with the process and I think so does Izzy. Crossing my fingers he doesn't panic as we try again tomorrow!

Terrific Tuesday

Today was a great day. I have 2 healthy, happy boys. There was no fighting, time-outs, emotional breakdowns, tantrums or pouting. My kind of day.

Asher is still on a high from the simple fact he can walk about 10 steps without falling. No toys are needed for his entertainment today. His legs are all that he needs.

Izzy melted my heart once again, by simply being so overly proud of himself (See picture). Hubby and I implemented a chart system from supernanny.com, when he turned 2 years old. The chart is from 1-10 and it looks like a treasure map with a pirate ship as #10. As Izzy does nice things, he gets to move his pirate a space. When he gets to the pirate ship, he is rewarded with something small..but something he really loves and wouldn't get otherwise. Lately, his treat of choice has been an Icee from QT. Hubby and I were at the Plaza this weekend shopping and came across a super cool Playmobile Pirate Set and knew how much Izzy would love it. We decided that he had to earn it. Izzy loves to move his pirate and when he sees an opportunity, he jumps on it. Over the last 3 days, he has really been working hard to move that pirate! Cleaning his room, helping baby brother, clearing his dishes, being a good boy at school and today for the win..he brought his laundry basket to the laundry room and put all of his clothes in the washer without being asked! Let us review. Izzy is 4 years old and is more helpful than some husbands I know. That's right, I said it.

I love this chart. It really helps Izzy understand he doesn't just "get" things, he has to earn them. It also shows him how simply and quickly he gets a reward just for helping others and being kind. Win/Win. I have 2 very proud boys today. One has legs and he knows how to use them. One knows that for a little work, there is big reward.

Currently, I am listening to a very happy 4 year old play soccer with his Daddy in the backyard. I really need to start dinner, but I think I will take a minute or two and enjoy the laughter.

Today has been a terrific day.

Lovey

Asher Copeland is my little lovey. He was born June 9, 2008, perfectly healthy and right on time. He is my baby that gave me "normalcy." His pregnancy wasn't much easier, but he was healthy and made it to term. Asher has a personality all his own. He is very snugly, which warranted his nickname. He is quiet and thoughtful, stubborn and sweet. He is always happy, just like his name says. Even if he is upset, a silly face is all it takes to get him to stop and laugh. Asher adores Izzy. Anything Izzy does is met with a huge grin and giggles. The boys are just starting to really play together which makes my heart very happy. They love to dance and play the drums together. Asher's favorite toy is a ball. He will occupy himself for hours with a toy that cost a dollar. How can I complain?

Asher is 14 months and until yesterday, refused to even attempt walking. I thought I was going to have to carry him around for life. To be honest, my heart was satisfied with that thought, but my back was not. Last night, hubby and I are cleaning up after dinner and I see Asher pull himself up and take a few steps. We knew this day would come very soon, but somehow it is still so amazing. As he walked his pride and confidence grew with each step.

Being a Mommy is so confusing. I am so proud of my boys when they learn something new, but, there is that little pain with each growth that lets me know that it is one more step closer to them being big boys who don't need their Mommy so much. I thought about Asher all night as he slept. My boys are very scheduled and they don't fight bedtime. In fact, they love it. 7:00 comes and before you know it, Mommy has the rest of the night to herself. I appreciate this time, but last night all I could think about was how quickly the last 14 months have passed. How is it, that my baby is walking? Maybe Asher could sense my missing him, because in the middle of the night he needed me. Asher is and has always been an excellent sleeper, but it seems as if he knows those times where I just want to rock him and he always obliges. Last night he cried and I went to check him. He was completely asleep,it was just a random cry. I couldn't help myself. I picked my little lovey up and rocked him and snuggled. It was just what Mommy needed after such a big day.