I'm a big baby.

It's official. I am a big baby. Hubby and I took all of the boys (3 nephews and our 2) to see Toy Story 3. It was hilarious, and so sad and I could barely hold back the ugly cry at the end.
I will spare details of the movie, because I don't want to spoil it, but our little Andy is growing up. Every mother out there who has seen this movie probably shed a tear just like me because we have all watched Andy grow up, and we can easily substitute our own little ones in the story line. I was holding my 2 year old Asher at the very end of the movie and found myself squeezing his little chubby legs and rubbing his hands, silently begging that he would stay this little forever.

This is also not really a great time for me to see anything that brings out the "emo" in me because next week is full of emotion. Next week is what I like to call Birthday week.

7/13-Izzy
7/14- Nephew "L"
7/15-Judah (who would be 6 this year.)
7/16-Dad

Does anyone else have a crazy week like that or does it just keep happening to our family? Ashers original due date was 7/7 so can you imagine? lol Thank goodness he came a little earlier than expected.

My miracle baby Izzy is turning 5 years old. Just writing that sentence made me get all "pre-weepy". 2 days later, we will celebrate our first sons short life and continue to try to explain and be there for our sons when it is almost physically impossible for me to move on that day. It is such a mixture that day, we are so happy that we were blessed to have even a minute with Judah and yet, my body and heart literally ache for him especially on that day. It all normally starts for me on July 1st. I start to feel all anxious and clammy. I know it is coming and I can't seem to control my feelings. By his birthday, I can barely breathe. It is hard for me to make it through the day and I give myself that one day to just "be real" and feel however I feel.

I think we will take balloons to his grave like we did last year with the boys and talk and answer questions and then let the balloons go with a prayer and a Happy Birthday! Izzy loved doing that last year and he cried when he left which is completely heart breaking. He asked why he couldn't meet his brother and when will he ever get to play with him. Ugh...hard questions. Sure there will be more this year, and I think I am more prepared.

This summer is super emotional for me, Asher turned 2, Izzy is turning 5 and about to go into full day Kindergarten. Which brings me back to Toy Story, it was amazing. We totally want to buy it, but I don't think I can watch it again until this summer is over. Because I am a big baby.