Deep Breaths.

Tomorrow is the big day. First day of Kindergarten. I can't believe my little tiny premature baby is now a 54 lb, tall, skinny, adorably handsome 5 year old Kindergartner. Time has flown by and I really thought this day would never come. I thought I would somehow will it away with my pure innocent desire to keep him small and home with me. Turns out, it is impossible, so here we are.

I spent the day with my sweet guy. We went to church and then shopping for lunch stuff at Sams. He was so excited to pick out all of the food he wants in his "big boy lunches" as he calls them. After lunch, I decided to get everything laid out and ready to go for tomorrow. He sat in the room with me and chatted non-stop. Once Asher was in nap, I started the huge task of cleaning out the car. It was ridiculous. Then out of nowhere, Izzy appeared with a giant smile and an offer to help and he did a fantastic job. He did all of the vacuuming and I did all of the detail work. We talked a lot and laughed even more. Just when he thought he would lay down and catch a show, I ran in and surprised him with an offer to swim. He and Papa ended up racing outside and we all jumped in the pool and hung out for the afternoon. How could the day get better? Well, Dad made brisket for dinner. #1. It was yummy. #2. I didn't have to cook. Love that. The boys ran off to Papa's room to watch AFV's (their favorite show) and I started making pancakes. I made them in fun shapes for Izzy's big day. For him, a big K for Kindergarten and a smiley face. I can't wait until he sees his breakfast. He loves little surprises like that. Shortly after, it was time to get ready for bed. Asher takes about 30 seconds to prep for bed...he is always ready for nite-nite. :) This time, I knew I was going to be emotional and I really wanted some quality time with Izzy. We talked all about Kindergarten. Rules, schedule, lunch, safety, friends, rewards, homework. He seemed really excited and I was doing really good. Keeping it all together, until all of the sudden, he moves to my lap, wraps his arms around me and says, "Mama, I am not scared to go to Kindergarten. I don't want to leave home because I am worried for YOU. You can't be home without me. You can't just have Asher...that's not right! You will miss me too much. You make me worried and I just can't leave home!" Somewhere in the middle of this, we both break down into bawling fits and we are just holding each other. Who would have thought this day would come and he would be crying, but out of worry for me? He is such a sweetheart and so loving there isn't a word to describe it. This whole weekend, he just randomly would grab me and kiss my hand and say little things like, "Mama, I love you so much I hope you know." or "You are my bestest friend and I am so in love." "I will never leave you, Mama, I am stopping growing, I promise."

I know he is going to do fantastic this year. He has a loving teacher who he knows as his PreK teacher, great friends in his class and a school he knows well. Another positive for Izzy, Daddy's schedule just happens to work out so that he can walk to school tomorrow with us. When Izzy found out, he exploded in happiness. He doesn't seem to be nervous or anxious a bit, except out of worry for me. My goal tomorrow is to beam with pride and show as much excitement at such a huge milestone and pray I can hold the weeping until I get back to my room and clear from any humiliation to myself or sweet son! Luckily, I have a great class Mommy friend and we are meeting for coffee after our drop off. At least, I have someone who will be crying into their $5 cup too.

Tomorrow is the big day...updates and pics to come in between my weeping. Joking (not really.)