Roy battled colon cancer for the last couple of years and when I say battled, I mean it. He fought for his life, like I have never seen before. He was strong, courageous and never complained. In fact, to the amazement of all he worked full-time up until this past month. In the last weeks, my Mom and I were able to spend time with our friends and the memories that were made in that time are tucked in my heart forever. Tomorrow will be a week since he passed, and it still doesn't seem real. Thursday night was his funeral service and in a word, it was beautiful. The personal tributes, pictures and video completely described his love for his family and most of all his heart for God.
Amanda is my dear friend, like so close we are almost twins. I know what food she is going to order, how her brain works, and best of all, I know that no matter what kind of day either of us is having, one of us can make the other belly laugh when we need it most. I am sad, that now she has to know this pain that I have had for 6 years. The pain of losing some of yourself. I am sure that losing a child vs. a parent has some different aspects, but overall, the pain is so deep that you literally can't think past the next minute. We share everything, but this is one thing I did not ever want to share with her. Grief.
There is something I didn't know about Amanda until this week, and that is how strong she truly is. I am so proud of my friend for paying such a great tribute to her Dad. I am just so sorry she had to do it at all. One thing I do know for sure, God is faithful. His comfort and peace is everlasting. Six years since Judah's death, I still hurt and I still have dark days, but God has provided for my every need. Friends, family, my husband and children have all helped to fill the void and open my eyes again to the beauty around. Hopefully, I can help show her the beauty in this new season in her life and give her a few belly laughs too.
I shared the news with Izzy, and he took it very hard. We were in the car, just the two of us, and I had to pull the car over because he was wailing and weeping so hard. I didn't even get the words out, but he knew. He told me that he was so hurt because he had lost his friend at school too that day. After a few minutes of piecing the story together, I finally found out that his class had found a cocoon at recess one day and proceeded to watch it develop into a beautiful butterfly. That day was "Free Day" and they released the butterfly. "Now I have lost my Roy, and my butterfly and it just isn't fair! Why did they both have to fly into the sky? I just want my Roy, my Judah and my butterfly back because this hurts me so bad!" Hearing those words from my sweet Izzy just ripped my heart and my words were not enough to comfort him.
Roy was a great influence on our lives and family and he will be greatly missed. This process has been another reminder to take each day and make it full of love. Not take myself so seriously and enjoy right where I am. Smother my kids in kisses and make lots of memories.
Roy had a very full life and he lived it full of love. I want to do the same.
You are the best! love you
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