The Awkward Update

I have learned a lesson, and it is, if you have something you are worried about, flippin get it taken care of quickly. I am annoyed with myself for not learning this lesson earlier, especially with all of the health issues I have dealt with. I should know better.

The guess is that I have a fibrocystic breast mass which should be benign, but I have to get a mammogram and an ultrasound to confirm. If that is what it turns out to be, they will take a needle into the mass and drain the fluid. O.U.C.H.

Something else I learned, in most cases, cancerous tumors do not cause pain (which mine does) and they are normally hardened to one spot (which mine is not). Either way, with my family history, I should have gone in immediately to have it checked and I won't risk it again. I am dreading the mammogram. I have had one before and it is awful. Question: I have to get an ultrasound post mammogram because my breast tissue is very dense and the mammogram can't read well. So why then don't they just skip the mammogram all together and do just the ultrasound and save me some pain and humiliation. Answer: Just because that is how it is done. Not everything makes sense. I can't like that answer.

As if going in for a breast exam is not humiliating enough, two things happened to up the humiliation scale.

1) A 3rd year medical student came in to do my work up. Very nice, but looked exactly like Seth Green. Oh, and he goes to school with my Hubby. I didn't breathe until he assured me he was going to have the female NP do my exam for me. Annnnnnd breathe.

2) NP asked that I undress from the waist up and put on a gown. She couldn't find a gown in the room, so she called for a Medical Assistant to find one for me. She placed a paper gown on the bed and repeated the instructions. After she closed the door I put the gown on and realized very quickly there is a reason baby hand and foot prints were the design on the gown, because it was a CHILD SIZE!!! The gown is open in the front, so it is like a shirt with no buttons and I couldn't even close it. So imagine me in the room waiting for 10 minutes for the NP to return with a tiny size gown and when I try to make it cover myself it rips. FABULOUS.

Luckily, I didn't have Seth Green doing the exam, that would have been even more embarrassment and I had quite enough thank you!

Thanks for all of the prayers and loving emails from all of my friends. I think everything is going to be just fine, but I am sure I will have another tiny gown story coming your way from mammogram day. :)